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Remembrance

Boo

Vampire Lord
True Blood
Joined
Feb 13, 2008
Messages
3,195
I was once like you. I once had feelings, oh and what a lovely time that was! I once felt love like you. Love, lust and passion. Yes, those were my favourite feelings. But now, look at me now. What do I feel? What do I lust for now? Nothing, everything! Now I lust for life again. A life that I once had. It was all so clear to me. I knew how the world worked, I knew it's secrets. I needed nothing from it, nothing more than I already had. But look at me now. I have nothing. I don't even have life. You understand me don't you, love?

Once I could feel the air on my face. Draw deep breaths in the morning. Feel the sensation of my lungs as they filled up, only to be drained again when I exhaled. You don't even think about that, do you? No, you just live. Ah, those were the days. Yes, that's something I miss. Mmm. Very much so also, love.

Back in the day I would run as fast as I could, just to hear the beating of my heart in my ears. To feel fatigue overtake my legs and collapse in the sun. Feel the heat on my face, feel the glistering sweat drip down my cheeks. Yes, that was something that I liked doing. But now, how can I do that? I'm forever cursed in the dark. Yes, pity me love. Pity poor me. You long to see the sun again, yes?

Hee hee hee. I know you do, but you will not. No love, you won't. Just like I won't. Never will neither of us see the sun again. Never. Oh, don't cry love. I once cried. Yes, I too released my fears and inner feelings and cried once. Mmm... feelings, how I miss them. I envy you, love. I envy all that is you. The warmth of your skin, a warmth that has since long deserted me. But fear not love, for I can feel that warmth again. But if only for a moment. Yes love, dry your tears. You are going to help me with that. Yes help me you will.

Oh, you don't like that do you love? Oh, forgive me, this will only hurt a moment. Ah, pain... a sensation I've not felt for a very long time love. You have the luxury of living and thus feeling. Ah, how I miss those feelings... Relax love, relax. I promise it will be quick. No, no, dry your tears. I wouldn't want you to be sad. This is a joyful occasion. Oh, joy, there is also something I haven't felt for some time now. But now, I do feel something tingle inside of me. You see love, already you are helping me.

There, there. This won't take long...

....

Oh, how I envied you love. You had life, you had feelings, you had fears, yes you had it all. But now you've at least brought me warmth, but only for moment. This moment I will never forget. I thank you love, that you shared it with me. You look so peacefull now, I wonder what it feels like. Ah... death. The bitter sweet embrace.

Now you will sleep forever while I stalk the night...
 
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
551
Loved it, loads of short sentences and repetition of 'love' make for a very mad vampire. The emphasis on his desire to feel something, anything, shows how much suffering a vampire endures just existing every day. If only I could write like that.
 

Knightofni

Varghulf
True Blood
Joined
Aug 31, 2009
Messages
758
So you interpreted the character to be a male vampire, Order?

That's interesting; I read it and envisaged a female vampire talking to her male victim...
 

Serval

Zombie
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
36
Awesome and more than a little creepy. The speaker sounds a little like a serial killer in his/her/it's tone.

I kinda envisage a female vampire and victim here from the way they speak, and how the victim's emotion is portrayed really, awesome so far
 
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
551
Actually I'm not sure, but the repeated use of love reminded me of gollum/smeagol a bit so that might have influenced me sub-consciously. Plus the victim being tearful rather than defiant could suggest a slightly more feminine slant to the victim but then I'd probably 'have something in my eye' :rolleyes: with a vampire about to kill me so to be honest I think it could be either.
I actually like that the gender is unknown, it adds to the mystery of it all, no description of the killer at all, not even a he or she actually makes it better now that I've re-read it. The fear the human feels is magnified by the 'fear of the unknown', combined with the vampire's madness and bitterness would make for one scary kidnapper.
 

Disciple of Nagash

Oldblood
Staff member
Joined
Feb 12, 2008
Messages
27,995
That is frankly superb Boo.

It is one of the best pieces I have seen in a while, captivating and creepy at the same time.

With your permission I would like to put this in the next issue of the Invocation.
 

Xaret

Ghoul
Joined
May 5, 2010
Messages
186
This is an excellent piece, which I would like to see in the Invocation.

Being a pedant, there are a few grammatical errors I'd like to point out, purely for neatness, especially as it's being published. I think I remember that English isn't your first language, which makes the above piece of writing more impressive, and I certaintly hope I don't offend you in suggesting these changes, they are very minor, and detract in no way from the awesomeness of the piece :D

Nothing, everything- Would work better as Nothing: everything.

Yes, that's something I miss. Mmm. Very much so also, love. - The last bit of that sentence doesn't make sense. If that's what you're going for then that's fine. I know what you're trying to say but the way you've said it doesn't really work.

Feel the heat on my face, feel the glistering sweat drip down my cheeks- Again, I'd swap the comma for a semi-colon here.

Peace full- Peaceful

Other than that it's just won't rather than wont.

Those are the only things I noticed, it's an excellent piece and deserves a place in the Invocation!
 

Boo

Vampire Lord
True Blood
Joined
Feb 13, 2008
Messages
3,195
knightofni said:
Awesome.
I thoroughly enjoyed that; it was very good. :thumbsup:
Thank you, I'm glad that you liked it! :)

Order of the Blood Dragon said:
Loved it, loads of short sentences and repetition of 'love' make for a very mad vampire. The emphasis on his desire to feel something, anything, shows how much suffering a vampire endures just existing every day. If only I could write like that.

Thank you very much. This was something that just came to me and I scribbled it down as inspiration took a hold of me. You kind words warm my heart. :)

Serval said:
Awesome and more than a little creepy. The speaker sounds a little like a serial killer in his/her/it's tone.

I kinda envisage a female vampire and victim here from the way they speak, and how the victim's emotion is portrayed really, awesome so far

My most kind thanks to you Serval. I wont say anything about the gender, just to keep it a secret. ;) I'm happy you found it both awesome and creepy :)

Disciple of Nagash said:
That is frankly superb Boo.

It is one of the best pieces I have seen in a while, captivating and creepy at the same time.

With your permission I would like to put this in the next issue of the Invocation.

Thank you DoN. Yes please do, it would be an honour to be in the Invocation! :D

Xaret said:
This is an excellent piece, which I would like to see in the Invocation.
Thank you Xaret. :)

Xaret said:
Being a pedant, there are a few grammatical errors I'd like to point out, purely for neatness, especially as it's being published. I think I remember that English isn't your first language, which makes the above piece of writing more impressive, and I certaintly hope I don't offend you in suggesting these changes, they are very minor, and detract in no way from the awesomeness of the piece :D

Yes, I do believe if it would go in the invocation then I should fix the grammar errors. Thank you for pointing them out. I do not take any offence in it. :) I've fixed the most of the things you pointed out, which as I read now, also see. :)

Cheers guys!
 
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