Self Harming: misunderstood stress relief

[Mello]

I am an unashamed self harmer and I have to say it has helped me so much through life. Now as a harmer I don't see the problem with it. I do it safely, and with a sharp and clean razor, and personally I love feeling y scars and they look really cool in my eyes.

So why is everyone so disgusted by it? I honestly don't get whats wrong? People aren't disgusted by those who drink to relieve stress, or smoke etc. so whats wrong with self harming?

 

[xFallenx]

I wouldn't say people aren't disgusted by smokers & drinkers...hence why there are designated area's for them. Are you trying to have a self harming section put into public places? I don't get this topic...am I being Rick Trolled?

 

[Duke Danse Macabre]

Not going to help you in the long run mate.
If you need the sensation get a pinwheel.
Used in Medicine and the BDSM scene it provides much in the way of the same sensations without the lasting effects or ramifications.

The Reason Self harming is frowned on is because it can lead to mental illness and can also be a side effect of it.
It all comes down to needing to be able to control your emotions and thought processes and channeling them and not allowing them to do the same to you.

So my advice, Talk with people who have had similar issues who you can relate to and deal with it privately because the first thing will come to the minds of many is going to be negative.
"What is Normal to the Spider is Chaos to the Fly"
No two people are exactly the same so its best to know who to go to but otherwise don't volunteer the information.
I don't tell random folks about my personal tastes to that regards because they are viewed a little outlandish to say the least.

 

[Count Lasombra]

It's usually a psychodramatised cry for attention.
I say pull the trigger :devil2:

 

[Mr. West]

It's usually a psychodramatised cry for attention.

This.

Jebus Christ ... I worked with more than a few people 'suffering' from Borderline personality disorder, and most of them aren't actually Borderline in the sense of the actual disorder described in the ICD-10, but rather spoiled brats crying out for some undeserved attention.
This might sound harsh, but so is life.
Don't get me wrong, there are people out there who deserve a treatment and who actually do suffer from actual cases of BPD, but nowadays acting out and showing off how cool it is to cut yourself has almost become a trend in certain subcultures.

 

[Mello]

Yeah I can agree with that MR. West, there are many cultures where "niche" is "cool" such as the music market, people listen to "indie music" because they want to be in the "indie music clique" which is totally contradictory but hey.

DDM, I guess that clarifies why people don't like SH then:

1) most/some do it for aforementioned attention want to be seen as "special" or part of some subculture.

2) those who do it for stress release are often assosciated with mental disorders, and all the tons of stigma attatched to that.

But there ARE people who do it all their lives, even when they become emotionally stable. I mean that includes me, it's the only way I can feel "better" (I guess what drinkers and smokers are seeking?) in the day.

 

[Duke Danse Macabre]

There are people who do it with good cause but you need to find another outlet, a different way of doing the current or the other option is to build a bridge and get over any issues you have.
Extended periods of an on going issue is normally due to personal weakness and allowing yourself to settle into something which is in itself not an issue forced on yourself but a self imposed problem.

So your problem is not the Problem.
Your Problem is your Attitude about the Problem.

Change your outlook and you can over come it.
Parade it about and cater to it like a integral part of your own being of which it is not and you will find only misery and disappointment that you have inflicted on yourself.

Now stop Moping about on Twitter with depressing tweets about the futility of everything and how inconsequential you feel.
Calling yourself "That Cutter Boy" also does not help when you want to be seen as more than just a sum of your negatives, no one is going to drag you through life to happiness so find it for yourself like everyone else.
I don't think you are going to get any pity here but we will cheer for you if you stop pitying yourself.

 

[Mello]

Hehe, looks like someome checked out my twitter. Agreed, yes I like depression, it comforts me.

Please lets try and keep friendly.

Twitter is my "universal bitch about life" outlet frankly, yeah I seem very depressed and wingey. But to be honest I like doing that, it's a guilty pleasure. I have absolutely no problem with myself self harming, and I don't intend to stop. this thread was created because I was trying to figure out what everyone elses problem was with it.

but I don't intend to seem like I'm parading my woes in front of everyone on this site, and I'm very sorry if I have done, please correct me if I am.

 

[Duke Danse Macabre]

Indeed.
I always viewed twitter as a showboating site where people go to show off and whine, today proved no different.

I complain and I am a sarcastic tw*t but I never let it effect me adversely.
Depression by definition is not comforting, its the familiarity that you find comforting because you have taken it as part of what you feel you are.

You are answering your own question, because of the effects and behaviors that relate to it.
Depression, mental illness, social isolation, attention seeking and many more besides and there is not a whole lot of positive to be garnered from it and none in the medium you have employed it.

Sometimes you may need to vocalize things but you have not chosen the best of places.
People who don't particularly know you and all have their own view points on the matter in a place where everything and anything can be said which can be accessed by people too young to be reading about such things.

But in short you are currently the man in front of Anti Abortion Protesters eating an Aborted Fetus asking whats wrong......

 

[Mello]

Ok, thankyou DDM, I guess I don't really think before I act, such as now. Thanks (and this isn't sarcastic). I'll draw this to a close, the last thing i want to do is offend.

We share the same views on twitter though

 

[Santawraith]

I cut for years before fixing why I cut, there is times like any addiction it again comes back to haunt me and I fall off my wagon.

Much of the reasons I cut I look at as why did I do that now, years latter. Therapy for stress takes many forms

writing, talking or even a hobby of some kind. The bdsm scene as duke suggested could also possible help. Though one needs to be careful to be safe in that too.

I am not judging so dont feel that way. Just looking at it from experience and offering my perspective.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

 

[Duke Danse Macabre]

I cut for years before fixing why I cut, there is times like any addiction it again comes back to haunt me and I fall off my wagon.

Much of the reasons I cut I look at as why did I do that now, years latter. Therapy for stress takes many forms

writing, talking or even a hobby of some kind. The bdsm scene as duke suggested could also possible help. Though one needs to be careful to be safe in that too.

I am not judging so dont feel that way. Just looking at it from experience and offering my perspective.

PM me if you ever want to talk.

BDSM does work and help, it falls into my tastes so I think you can trust me and Santa on that one, less depressing as well.

You do need to talk to people though but as I said airing it to the public won't help.
Talk to people you know who have had similar issues.
I'm not going to take advice on Running a company from a cleaner so why do the same with this?

Just be careful where you post things man, It may of been better in True Blood.

 

[Mello]

I understand again, thanks, and I apologise for the failure to be, er, PC I guess.

The problem I have with "talking to people about it" is that, frankly, CN is my social life, outside CN I do my best to not interact with people, but for the sake of not parading my woes, I won't bother to elaborate further than all my social interaction with humans is done on this site and twitter to some extent.

All the RP characters I have are all aspects of my two personalities, hence why I love RPing, its like hanging out with friends for me.

So really I guess this thread was "talking to people about it", so yeah...

 

[Santawraith]

Bdsm eh duke hehehehe think someone is spying on me again.

 

[Disciple of Nagash]

Just a note on a comment above, where this should be posted. Actually this is exactly the right place to post such things, as a specially designated forum for adult and sensitive topics.

In my opinion self harming is looked down upon for a few reasons:

It is seen by many as a weakness. This is normally by those who misunderstand, especially those who are strong willed. Because they can't understand it, the don't like it.

Secondly, to many it is distressful. It is in nearly all animals nature to become distressed at the sign of injury. Compounded with the fact that generally the person you find out about is someone you care about, and it is perfectly understandable for them to become upset at the action. They don't want to see you hurt.

Finally, the general public knowledge for underlying cause of this is a mental disorder. To many this is again a very uncomfortable subject.

So the combination of the above explains why many react the way they do. In most cases only those who have experienced it themselves, or have read thoroughly on the subject have more understanding.

As to whether I think it is a good idea? In general, no but I understand why people do it. Doing it in most cases suggests distress or some other underlying cause, and that needs resolving rather than masking through application of pain.

The only exception (and one I have done) is through BDSM, where it is done purely for the sensation / pleasure. However I would recommend all those doing it to figure out a safe way, whilst I don't regret my foray into pain / bloodplay, it has left me with some scars. That was embarrassing explaining to my parents! Play safe people

 

[Mello]

Interesting post there DoN.

I started Self harming ages ago as you said, for stress masking reason, but now I just do it occasionally, totally safe, just because I like pain in some masochistic way. I dunno.. it kind of wakes me up I guess. Can't say it turns me on though.. but each to his own there.