She has a boyfriend...

[Master Vampire]

Ok, I guess I shouldn't be on here since my last thread but I need your input about this 'ethical' question.

I met this girl a few weeks after the new study year had begun. We really connect. I certainly know she is interested.

Problem is, she met some other guy too a few weeks before me and got into a relationship two days before a party on which I wanted to make a move.Normally I'd be done with it. But I really connect with her and I personally I think it's a bit unfair how it's went.

Would it be wrong to 'try my luck' with her?

I want to give in to my instinct and feelings about this. Most people would refrain and say "well they are together so I shouldn't" but I've been way too considerate for most of my life.

Personally, I don't think it's fair to put myself out of the game just because he got her into a relationship faster than me. I think it's a lot more fair to at least make her aware of it.

17 november I'll be going to a dance show with some friends and she's coming along. I'll probably have a short one-on-one time with her at the train station...

 

[Danceman]

Go for it. If she's into the guy she will blow you off and you'll know. Life's too short let a good girl out of your fingers without at least a try.

Be mindful, don't spill the beans, so to speak. Saying flat out "I really like you" is usually a fatal mistake but rather ask her out and instead hint you're into her. If it was meant to be she's likely to meet you half-way. Being a very blunt person myself I've learnt the hard way to temper myself in the company of women.

Good luck and go get her.

 

[Wolf Fang]

I say go for it mate (I suppose the other guy isn't a friend of you). Tell her how you feel and see what happens. At the very least you'll know how she feels about you after that and you'll be able to move on with your life whatever the outcome.

It may sound a bit selfish but I've been there and it'll just keep you from moving on if you don't ask her.

Oh and I guess most of us knew you'd be back at one point. One does not get away from Carpe Noctem as easily as you'd think.

Good luck,
Wolfie

 

[Dogmar]

I'd mostly second Danceman.

Go for it, Life's too short to sit there and wait and if you're really interested at least have a try. I've made that experience myself some time ago. And whatever the outcome you'll be able to move on with life.

However be careful what you say. Being direct about your feelings can be a dangerous thing and has never really worked for me. Do, as danceman suggested, give her hints and if she's interested too, she'll give hints herself. Then see how things develop .

Good luck!

 

[Santawraith]

When I met my wife she had a bf, so we became freinds. Then when she was single I had a gf and a financee(it didnt work out). So when I was single she agian had a bf, But I stayed single for almost 6 months after my last realtionship. It just so happened her and the bf broke up. two months latter when drunk one night I told her how I felt. She turned me down ouch, But I tried again and she said yes the next day. Im stubborn like a dwarf that way.

Moral of the story is things change all the times even when you dont think they will. I say either go with your instinct or be her freind until she dumps the guy. I hope I gave ya some hope master.

 

[whtdwrf11]

I have to agree with everyone else on this matter and say go for it because if you don't and this is the one you seriously connect with in a special way your going to kick yourself so hard for letting it slip right through your fingers.

 

[Master Vampire]

Heh it surprises me that a lot of people think the same as me.

I have as well experienced the crappy outcome when being direct and too serious about it. It led me to reshape myself and see it more as a game. This way I'm less outcome dependent and still maintain a certain useful trait for women to like. I have the firm belief that if you madly fall in love with her immediately/too soon, you will play a lot of doom scenario's in your head and you blast the interactions to bit. Because you'll focus on what to say and that suffocates you.

I hope I gave ya some hope master.

I didn't want to imply that I was having a crush on her. That my world would collapse if she didn't like me. I just wanted some opinions about this moral standard/ethical issue. Would do what I want anyhow, regardless of opinion.

It's just weird in that it's fairly new how I approach these things. I really connect with her but I'm not driven madly like I was a few months ago about a different girl I connected a lot less with (then I was outcome dependent).

It's weird that such a mental switch enables you to be a lot more free in your mind and create some stability.

*edited a misspelled sentence.

 

[Count Lasombra]

All is fair in love and war.

 

[Disciple of Nagash]

Well at the end of the day if you make it clear you are available and interested (I know coming on too strong is bad, but if you do the complete opposite she may not even think you are interested - make it clear but play it cool), then the decision is up to her. If she decides she prefers you over her current bf then that's all fine.

 

[Skorne]

Go for it. Even if she remains with him, it doesn't mean that the two of you can't enjoy each others company.
Sounds corny I know, but patience is what will get you what you want, in the end. Make an effort to hang out with her some even while she is "with" someone else.

 

[Grish]

It's been a couple of weeks with this dude. It's not the love of her life... put the offer on the table. It's not rude at all, it's giving her options. Put the ball in her court (that's not a euphemism).

Good luck!

 

[Onikaigo]

Without reading the rest of the replies...(I do that a lot)

Go for it. If your life takes any twists like mine (Two days late? That's happened 5 times in a row with me), then don't do what I did and sit back and let it go.

Go for it. I've only got one philosophy when it comes to women. If they don't have a ring, they're fair game. Put your offer on the table, and if she takes it, Huzzah! If not, life as normal.

My two cents.

 

[Trevy the Great]

Start a fight. Fights solve everything. Everything.

 

[laina]

Don't be a homewrecker

 

[Onikaigo]

As an add on to my own post.

I have a simple philosphy in life when it comes to women. If there's not a ring on it, it's her choice. =) so, put your offer on the table, let her make her decision, and have no regrets. Just don't cheat with her, let her break up with other dude first. Cheating stinks. =O

 

[Mannerheim27]

Ya, don't encourage her to cheat. If she were to cheat with you, then that sends a red flag up about her, which could turn out poorly for you as well.

I'd simply let her know how you feel and that she does mean something to you, but in a very subtle and suave way

Jake

 

[Duke Danse Macabre]

Give it your all, get her alone and tell her straight.
I have always played the gent, been kind, considerate, never pushing things and it gets you nowhere.
Well thats a lie, it gets you screwed and not in a good way!

 

[Master Vampire]

Ok I have to admit that the dance show I'm going to with her and some friends has taken too long. The bond seems stronger with her boyfriend than I had anticipated...

And things have cooled down a lot between her and me.

So I guess I'm going to pass this one. It's not that awful as it seems, though.

 

[Wire_Hall_Medic]

I disagree with . . . I guess 90% of respondents. If she'll cheat on her boyfriend with you, she'll cheat on you. Let her know you're interested in her, but along the lines of "it's too bad you've got a boyfriend." If at some point she's single, go for it (including if she dumps him for you). If she's interested in something on the side, don't waste your time.

 

[Zephyr]

Well in a way it's good to hear that it's been resolved MV but on the other hand it does kind of suck. I also have to agree with Wire_Hall_Medic though, who says she might not do the same to you later?

Just a thought if you ever find yourself in he same position again but let's hope you are first next time.