Count Midas VonStrom, the Traveller

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VonStreusel

Zombie
Aug 20, 2008
8
Zombies
5
Here's my new fluff I just finished for my VC. In cas you are wondering while you are reading, why the Wight is a Beastman, look at thismodel and you'll understand why.

The Vampire Count known as Midas VonStrom is an extremely well travelled example of his kind. He has been from the Land of the Dead, to Naggaroth and even to the Jungles of Lustria. He is a well learned individual, much of his time spent studying and training. He has an obsession with perfection, constantly pushing himself, constantly training and studying.

VonStrom was little more than a teenager when he was gifted eternal life through the Blood Kiss. The unknown vampire had watched VonStrom for months, determining him to be chosen for greatness. It is unknown exactly when he was gifted the Kiss, but shortly thereafter, his parents and the rest of the family were mysteriously struck down by the plague. Alone, and with an unholy thirst, VonStrom fled into the woods, to escape the townsfolk, who blamed him for his family's death. Most stories would end here, the forest, or the far darker beings who inhabit it, dealing with the unwanted refugee. Such was not to be the case however, and VonStrom stumbled upon a wounded beastman.

Unable to feast of the Beasts blood, for fear of mutation, VonStrom had decided to leave the beast, it would be dead soon anyways. But a voice entered his head, begging for mercy. Confused, VonStrom searched for where the voice was coming from, thinking some sort of trick was being played. But the voice continued in his head, telling him that the beast had answers for him, that it was a servant of the Gods. Doubtful,but ravenous, and having a strange gut feeling, VonStrom helped the beast up, bidding it to lead him to food.The beast led him to the next town, a good distance from VonStroms home town. VonStrom and the beast waited in the eves of the forest until nightfall when they fell upon the village, VonStrom slaking his thirst, the Beast, known as Tchargor, killing in the name of its patrons.

His strength returned, VonStrom followed Tchargor back into the forest, beckoned by the voice in his head. The Beast lead him to its hut and explained itself to him, all the time mentally. Tchargor had been the shaman of its tribe, a great warrior in his own right, until he challenged the Chieftain for leadership of the tribe. Tchargor was bested, and was therefore banished. He claimed that the Gods had seen VonStrom, and that Tchargor was to pledge his fealty to VonStrom.The Beast had been gifted with the knowledge of how to defeat Midas' Red Thirst, which he passed on to VonStrom.

The tome related to VonStrom that he would have to travel to various parts of the world, gathering many materials, and much knowledge. First, he must travel to the Lands of the Dead, Nehekarra, the birthplace of the Undead. There, he would train under the Liches and Priests, learning the art of Necromancy from those who created it.

Next he would have to travel to Naggaroth, the realm of the Dark Elves, to learn from them thier life prolonging methods, where one must bathe in the blood of virgins to maintain ones appearance. Here, also would he train under the Executioners to become an unparalleled swordsman.

Third he would then head south, into the lands of the Old Ones, Lustria. Here he would have to hunt for an artifact, known as the Sceptre of the Undying Kings. This was borne by a great priest king of Nehekara, and in it was bound the power to focus the winds of magick.

It took VonStrom over three hundred years to complete these tasks set before him, and Tchargor died early during his quest. Using his newly learned necromancy, VonStrom re-animated the great warrior, his one true friend, to become a mighty Wight. To this day, Tchargor fights alongside VonStrom, bearing his lord's banner into battle.

Upon returning, his thirst for blood cured, VonStrom travelled the Old World as a mercenary, selling his power to those who could afford it. He gained his magnificent armor in this way, fighting alongside the Skull Dwarfs if Zhar Naggrund. Once he gathered enough money to buy a small empire, VonStrom ventured to the Border Kingdoms, where he slew a petty thief-king, claiming lordship over the land he now owned. He built a great keep dubbed Stromgarde, and from there he rules with an iron fist in a velvet glove.

Strangely, he is a suprisingly beneficient leader. Those who have sworn fealty to him are allowed to serve him in life, and they are given much freedom inside his realm. They are expected to feed themselves and pay taxes to their liege. VonStrom refuses to feed off of his subjects, choosing instead to feed off of those unfortunate to be captured either in battle or for tresspassing.

For all his qualities, VonStrom is still a Vampire, and therefore evil. Upon death, his subjects are ressurected and join his undying armies. Some of his subjects worship him as a god, a notion which VonStrom neither encourages, nor quashes.

When VonStrom marches to battle, he raises the abundant skeletons and wights from the barrows that surround Stromgarde. His lieutenant, Tchargor, is there at all times, a servant during a battle and off the battle plain.

As of late, though, VonStrom has grown tired of his petty fiefdom and has turned his thoughts to larger things. His eyes turn to the North, the Empire, still reeling from the Great Assault of Chaos.

-Renegade Crowns, a discussion of the petty baronies and fiefdoms in the Border Kingdoms.

Let me know what you think, it definitely needs some work.
 
Interesting though some points that make little sense:

The liche priests did not invent necromancy - Nagash did that and that is why the Liche priest use their incantations rather than necromancy.

Vampires do not need to bathe in blood to remain young, apart from necrach's they do that anyway, and with how arrogant the DE there is no way they would agree to train a vampire with some of their deadliest warriors.

Still it was a well written piece - it just conflicts quite a lot with the currently accepted fluff.
 
An interesting piece, but I would alter the part of the wounded beastmen as generally it is perceived that they would get more violent if they are injured.

I can see what you mean. I will definitely change that, It does feel like it was shoehorned in there anyways. I am just having trouble justifying the Wight being a beastman. Maybe VonStrom happened upon the Wight's barrow mound or something?

Interesting though some points that make little sense:

The liche priests did not invent necromancy - Nagash did that and that is why the Liche priest use their incantations rather than necromancy.

Vampires do not need to bathe in blood to remain young, apart from necrach's they do that anyway, and with how arrogant the DE there is no way they would agree to train a vampire with some of their deadliest warriors.

Still it was a well written piece - it just conflicts quite a lot with the currently accepted fluff.

Hrm, I suppose I should go and read the Fluff for Nagash and the Nehekarans.

I also can understand that the Dark Elves wouldnt want to teach a Vampire their secrets, any suggestions as to where he recieved his martial training? The High Elves are definitely out, but I want him to be an unparrelled swordsman, sort of like Lucius the Eternal in WH40k(Heresy I know.).

I'm glad that you like it though. And the reason I posted it was to get some advice on making it more believable, and maybe you all can give me some stuff I hadnt thought of.

I have some notes that I'll hopefully post in a while, along with a revised first post. I'm a fluff gamer, and I like to have a lot of background, even if it is unecessary. I need to explain a few other things, which I thought of today, which I will also post up later.

Thanks again for your time, and if anyone has any ideas, please post them up!
 
Theres a lot of similarities with my character: a vampire running a kingdom in the border princes which he took by force which he runs benevolently never feeding off his subjects but resurrecting them into his army when they die. He is worshipped as a god by his subjects and when he marches to war he raises numerous wights and skeletons from the barrows and city of the dead underneath his citadel. He is served by a wight who's body was built from the remains of a beastman among other things.

This is a bit to similar for my liking.
 
I honestly do not know how sucha thing could have happened! Have you ever posted your fluuf up before? I just found this site the other day so it definitely couldnt be plagirism, could it be the whole great minds think alike thing?
 
Heya! I'm going to give you my thoughts as I read through it. :) And of course, all of what I say will just be thoughts and opinions. If there's a direct contradiction with official fluff, I'll mention it.

VonStreusel said:
The Vampire Count known as Midas VonStrom is an extremely well travelled example of his kind. He has been from the Land of the Dead, to Naggaroth and even to the Jungles of Lustria. He is a well learned individual, much of his time spent studying and training. He has an obsession with perfection, constantly pushing himself, constantly training and studying.


Good start! Just realize that the "traveling vampire" theme has been done before by Mannfred Von Carstein. A good way to impress upon your reader just how much your vampire has traveled would be to say something along the lines of "Some say that only Mannfred Von Carstein himself has trod more foreign soil than Von Strom." Of course, that doesn't mean it has to be true, but it gives a standard to measure by.


VonStreusel said:
VonStrom was little more than a teenager when he was gifted eternal life through the Blood Kiss. The unknown vampire had watched VonStrom for months, determining him to be chosen for greatness. It is unknown exactly when he was gifted the Kiss, but shortly thereafter, his parents and the rest of the family were mysteriously struck down by the plague.


The sire feels like something of a bit player here (pun fully intended). Usually, a vampire gives the Blood Kiss with the intention of making the new vampire their apprentice, gaining a new ally. Maybe you have something planned for him(her?), but as it is they seem to have no function other than to provide a transition from human to vampire for the main character.

Really, does the family HAVE to be killed off? :P And by something that appears to be entirely coincidental? You've already made it apparent that Von Strom has a wanderlust, I'd imagine being made into a powerful creature of the night inflamed this desire. Why does the family have to die? Especially when it leave possibilities like descendants becoming Vampire Hunters...In any case, if you really MUST kill them off, I'd suggest having Von Strom do it himself, and use the guilt as a spur to get him to travel, getting away from the painful familiarities around him. It's cliche, but fairly common and acceptable behavior for a newly created vampire.



VonStreusel said:
Alone, and with an unholy thirst, VonStrom fled into the woods, to escape the townsfolk, who blamed him for his family's death. Most stories would end here, the forest, or the far darker beings who inhabit it, dealing with the unwanted refugee. Such was not to be the case however, and VonStrom stumbled upon a wounded beastman.


They blamed him for a plague? Did they know he was a vampire? This is a little confusing. Also, why didn't he fight back? Even a newly fledged vampire can put up a decent fight, especially against people who don't realize what he is. Fleeing into the forest is a good setup either way, though. :)


VonStreusel said:
Unable to feast of the Beasts blood, for fear of mutation,


I don't think that's something a vampire needs to worry about, officially. However, a newly fledged Vampire likely wouldn't know that anyways. ;)

VonStreusel said:
VonStrom had decided to leave the beast, it would be dead soon anyways. But a voice entered his head, begging for mercy. Confused, VonStrom searched for where the voice was coming from, thinking some sort of trick was being played. But the voice continued in his head, telling him that the beast had answers for him, that it was a servant of the Gods. Doubtful,but ravenous, and having a strange gut feeling, VonStrom helped the beast up, bidding it to lead him to food.The beast led him to the next town, a good distance from VonStroms home town. VonStrom and the beast waited in the eves of the forest until nightfall when they fell upon the village, VonStrom slaking his thirst, the Beast, known as Tchargor, killing in the name of its patrons.


A couple of things here. First off, just a little bit ago, the wounded beastman who was pegged as dying a moment before is able to go into battle without any problems? A wounded beatman is dangerous, but a mortally wounded anything won't be able to fight very well. Second, why did Von Strom need to be led to a second village? Was he hesitant to feed off of old neighbors? Why, considering they were running him out of town to start with?

VonStreusel said:
His strength returned, VonStrom followed Tchargor back into the forest, beckoned by the voice in his head. The Beast lead him to its hut and explained itself to him, all the time mentally. Tchargor had been the shaman of its tribe, a great warrior in his own right, until he challenged the Chieftain for leadership of the tribe. Tchargor was bested, and was therefore banished. He claimed that the Gods had seen VonStrom, and that Tchargor was to pledge his fealty to VonStrom.The Beast had been gifted with the knowledge of how to defeat Midas' Red Thirst, which he passed on to VonStrom.


Going to need someone who knows a bit more about beastmen, but wouldn't a challenger be killed outright, instead of banished? That sounds...soft...for Beastmen. It would also explain why Tchargor was mortally wounded when Von Strom found him.

Again, though, Tchargor seems to be doing pretty well for a mortally wounded creature.

VonStreusel said:
The tome related to VonStrom that he would have to travel to various parts of the world, gathering many materials, and much knowledge.


Eh? Tome? What Tome? You never mentioned any Tome before now, and you don't seem to mention it again. Was this a typo? I hope not, because I think you could use the idea, I'll elaborate more after I finish going through the story.


VonStreusel said:
First, he must travel to the Lands of the Dead, Nehekarra, the birthplace of the Undead. There, he would train under the Liches and Priests, learning the art of Necromancy from those who created it.


Already been mentioned that the Liche's don't practice Necromancy. Also, Tomb Kings HATE Vampires, so it's unlikely they would willingly train him. Any knowledge gleaned from them would have to be stolen.



VonStreusel said:
Next he would have to travel to Naggaroth, the realm of the Dark Elves, to learn from them thier life prolonging methods, where one must bathe in the blood of virgins to maintain ones appearance. Here, also would he train under the Executioners to become an unparalleled swordsman.


Already been mentioned that Vamps don't bathe in blood (maybe for fun, but that's beside the point ;)) and that Dark Elves are unlikely to train anyone who's not a Dark Elf. It could be possible that Von Stom would disguise himself to appear as a dark elf (Vampires seem to look physically similar), and blend in with trainees. He might also live as an "escaped slave" in the mountains that the Dark Elves occasionally send troops after, giving Von Strom some practice right there.

VonStreusel said:
Third he would then head south, into the lands of the Old Ones, Lustria. Here he would have to hunt for an artifact, known as the Sceptre of the Undying Kings. This was borne by a great priest king of Nehekara, and in it was bound the power to focus the winds of magick.


Magic, not magick. ;) Also, a bit odd that this sceptre belonged to a great priest-king and yet is in Lizardmen lands. Making it a Slann artifact would make a bit more sense, I think.


VonStreusel said:
It took VonStrom over three hundred years to complete these tasks set before him, and Tchargor died early during his quest.


FINALLY he dies. :P It's ok, I'll have some more suggestions for this down below.

VonStreusel said:
Using his newly learned necromancy, VonStrom re-animated the great warrior, his one true friend, to become a mighty Wight. To this day, Tchargor fights alongside VonStrom, bearing his lord's banner into battle.


Fits the model well. :)

VonStreusel said:
Upon returning, his thirst for blood cured,


Wait, WHAT? It takes the blood of a dragon to do this. Being able to conquer this thirst is a major feat for a vampire, so you might at least want to be a little more clear HOW Von Strom managed this. Given that only two vampires in fluff have ever accomplished this feat, one of which was one of the first vampires ever created, I'd shy away from ditching the blood-thirst quite that easily. Wait until your army defeats a dragon and write it into your fluff then. ;) Also, you contradict yourself below.


VonStreusel said:
VonStrom travelled the Old World as a mercenary, selling his power to those who could afford it. He gained his magnificent armor in this way, fighting alongside the Skull Dwarfs if Zhar Naggrund. Once he gathered enough money to buy a small empire, VonStrom ventured to the Border Kingdoms, where he slew a petty thief-king, claiming lordship over the land he now owned. He built a great keep dubbed Stromgarde, and from there he rules with an iron fist in a velvet glove.


Very cool, vamps love to carve out kingdoms for themselves. I'd shy away from the name Stromgarde though, there's a place in WoW called that. If you mean to do a shoutout to WoW, you might want to make it a little less obvious, but that's purely up to you.

VonStreusel said:
Strangely, he is a suprisingly beneficient leader. Those who have sworn fealty to him are allowed to serve him in life, and they are given much freedom inside his realm. They are expected to feed themselves and pay taxes to their liege. VonStrom refuses to feed off of his subjects, choosing instead to feed off of those unfortunate to be captured either in battle or for tresspassing.


A second ago, you mentioned that he no longer had to drink blood, and now he does again? I like what you have here, I think you should just remove that line above about being freed from the thirst. Anyways, liked this part.

VonStreusel said:
For all his qualities, VonStrom is still a Vampire, and therefore evil. Upon death, his subjects are ressurected and join his undying armies. Some of his subjects worship him as a god, a notion which VonStrom neither encourages, nor quashes.


Liked this too. :)

When VonStrom marches to battle, he raises the abundant skeletons and wights from the barrows that surround Stromgarde. His lieutenant, Tchargor, is there at all times, a servant during a battle and off the battle plain.

VonStreusel said:
As of late, though, VonStrom has grown tired of his petty fiefdom and has turned his thoughts to larger things. His eyes turn to the North, the Empire, still reeling from the Great Assault of Chaos.

-Renegade Crowns, a discussion of the petty baronies and fiefdoms in the Border Kingdoms.


In short, I like it! Just some things I think you might want to change:

-The sire. it feels like a huge chunk of Von Strom's past is missing becuase his sire is almost completely absent.

-Being run out of town, then looking for blood. Why would he want to find another village when he could grab Vengeance AND dinner! Vengeance is a dish best served with lots and lots of blood. What true vampire could pass that up? Bonus points if you have him kill his family during the fight instead of random coincidence.

-Tchargor. He lives too long to be plausible. I'd suggest having Von Strom come across Tchargor's corpse after the chief left his broken body laying in the forest after their challenge fight. You mention a Tome, I'd suggest having the Tome be some kind of basic Necromancy spells that Tchargor possessed, something that the Beastman Chief would not know the value of when he killed Tchargor, and thus would not bother taking it from the body. The Tome would grant the knowledge needed to raise Tchargor from the dead as a wight, as well as the basics of Necromancy and the names of items of interest for Von Strom to hunt down.

-Drinking Blood. Have Von Strom do it. All the cool vampires are doing it!!! ;)
 

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