• It's time once again to ferret out those murderous vampires in a new VAU - Vampires Amongst Us. A cross between Cluedo and a roleplay, sometimes gory and often hilarious! Find out more and sign-up! here.

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Part Twelve


“So transfixed was he by the scene of unfolding slaughter, Matthias had not realised that he was the object of Gisela’s gaze. Suddenly, she softly tapped twice the base of her staff upon the blood smeared flag stones of the courtyard. A small gesture, but it was enough to bring Matthias and those who stood by him on the balcony to bear their attention back upon her. Her ruby red lips curled so that a smile now spread upon her flawless face, an expression of such malevolence and promised cruelty that it made all who saw it run cold.”

“Forcing himself to turn from her remorseless stare, Matthias suddenly turned to his right and grabbed the lapels of Fleischer’s long coat.

“I shelter and pay you in return for magic” Matthias roared “get down there and do something about those… things!”

If it was Matthias aim to intimidate his hired wizard into action, he failed miserably.

“Take your hands off me Matthias” whispered Fleischer, in a quiet, measured tone “or you wont have to wait for them to get here to experience suffering.”

Releasing Fleischer from his grip, the fury passed instantly from Matthias and he instead adopted a different tact.

“I apologise old friend, you know how I value your unique talents” said Matthias, failing to hide the desperation in his voice “If you would kindly do something to rid us of our unwelcome guests, you would have my eternal gratitude and may name your price.”

“Very well” sneered Fleischer “I’ll shall take care of them, mainly because flight does not seem an option. Have a care Matthias, this will cost you a pretty amount of coin.”

“Of course, of course old friend. We will discuss new terms very soon.” the much relieved Matthias said, all the while guiding Fleischer away from the balcony and towards the direction of the study door with a gently placed hand on the shoulder.

“Fleischer exited the chamber and set off in the direction of the main stairs that would in turn lead to the gore drenched courtyard. Matthias turned once more to view the scene of slaughter. Of the rapidly dwindling number of the living down there, many had given up on trying to battle the quick silver sisters or the fell knights that barred the only exit. In blind panic, some flung themselves over the battlements in a last hope of escape. Better to risk shattered bones than certain death at the flashing blades of Maria and Frieda. They had however forgotten of the other mounted knights that waited outside the walls, and were soon dispatched by iron shod hoof or glowing, spectral blade.”

“As the last of the unfortunate dying were dispatched and the screams petered out to first sobs, then groans and finally silence, the doors below the balcony swung open and Fleischer strode out, coming to halt thirty paces before Gisela. Maria and Frieda sensed his presence immediately and started to move towards him. However Gisela held up a hand, an unspoken command that she would deal with him and the twins stopped still.”

“Ah Herr Fleischer, so we finally meet at last” said Gisela, her voice somehow as smooth as warm honey and yet unable to mask the bitterness and bile “Remarkable that you are somehow more odious and pathetic in real life than you were described to me. I do hope for your sake the extent of your magic is not befuddling the minds of young girls or poisoning old men.”

“Fleischer however did not reply, instead he closed his eyes and started to chant arcane words of power, quiet at first but growing in volume. As Fleischer’s voice grew it seemed a light began to pulse with in him, dim at first but as the intensity of his words grew, his head pulsed with supernatural energy. Suddenly his eyes snapped to and his mouth sprung open as if to scream. However, instead of sound, bolts of white power flew from his gaping mouth and eyes, speeding directly towards Gisela. Mathias gave a shout of triumph besides me, it seemed certain that she would be struck down. Time seemed to slow and just at the last possible moment she lowered her staff, the crystal on the end pulsed with power and pale green lightning arced out intercepting Fleischer’s spell. The two magical forces crashed into one another, and seemed entwined in a battle of their creators wills. For a moment they remained the same but suddenly Fleischer seemed to gain the upper hand and the pale white light emitting from him edged towards his target.”

“Gisela smiled, her face that of a cat toying with a wounded bird. She twisted her grip on her staff and suddenly her magical lightning pushed back against Fleischer’s with astonishing speed. The bolt struck him, enveloping his head in a ball of jade eldritch fire. Flesh and muscle were consumed in a moment, parting from bone in a fashion similar to parchment being introduced to a flame. Gisela cut the arcane power and stalked towards the stricken man. Fleischer slumped to the floor, the fire now extinguished, his skull stripped entirely. Approaching his corpse, Gisela bent down and placed her fingers into Fleischer’s empty, smouldering eye sockets. She plucked his skull from his corpse, stood up and inspected her trophy. After a brief moment she placed the head into black, velvet draw string purse which hung from her belt. Casting a glance up to the horrified Matthias on the balcony she strode towards the tower doors, flanked by her sisters.”



Thanks for reading xD
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Part Thirteen

“Panic now filled the room, Matthias had played his last hand and with Fleischer now a headless, smouldering corpse down amongst the courtyards dead, he alone was responsible for his survival. All eyes in the room, mine and the trio of Matthias’ bodyguards, now rested upon the man himself. Gisela and her sisters had now breached the houses inner sanctum, how would he now act to repel them we wondered? His mindset however, was not what we should have been focusing upon. During the slaughter invoked by her sisters, Matthias' ever dutiful wife, Anna, now the last of the living Verberden sisters, had sat like a statue by the fire side awaiting her husbands instruction. What those of us in the room had failed to realise was that now, with Fleischer the principal in her captivity, now little more than smoking husk, her soul once again ran free.”

“It was little wonder that once upon have being woken from her dream like state, her mind shattered like crystal dropped upon flagstone. To realise that now, once Fleischer’s arcane influence had been removed, that she had been bedding the killer of her father, brother and sisters. Her once pure and loving spirit was snuffed out like a candle flame, her sole desire was now madness and blood. None of us noticed as she stood up and removed her fathers ancestral blade, Sorrow-thorn, from its hanging place above the fireplace. None of us in that room took heed as she placed both of her slender hands on the swords leather bound grip. Her mind now a shattered ruin, she charged Matthias, blade aloft, her mouth open in a silent scream.”

“The arc of the enchanted steel would have surely spelt Matthias’ ruin but at the last moment he realised his peril. Pushing the closest of his underlings forward into the blades path, he managed to escape death by the narrowest of margins. His bodyguard was less fortunate, Sorrow-thorn split the mans arm bone effortlessly, parted his ribs and bit deep into the solid oak of the balcony doorway, all with a liberal bucket of bright red blood. As Anna desperately struggled to retrieve the stuck sword from wooden door frame in a frantic effort to strike down her husband and captor, Matthias pulled a flintlock pistol from his waistband. Coolly he pointed the weapon at his wife and proceeded to shoot her, point blank in the stomach.”

“In the insuring furore, I took the chance to melt into the shadows of the study. With my years of knowledge of the house, I made my escape into an adjoining chamber. Not a moment too soon, for from my concealed viewing place I witnessed the study door swing open and Gisela, Maria and Frieda stepped into the scene of their sisters murder.”


Thanks for reading, sorry for any spelling mistakes but in my defence i'm currently beer powered! xD
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Part Fourteen

Karl paused in his recollection of his tale, the reliving of those dreadful events was clearly causing him a great deal of discomfort. However, after taking a brief moments respite to compose himself, he once again plunged back into his recollection of that terrible night.

“ As I was saying” he continued “fortunate was I that I had slipped from the study and concealed myself in the adjoining chamber. Not a moment too soon, for the fell sisters Verberden swept into the room and no living soul was to leave. Although my view of events from behind the thick, oaken door was limited by peering through a spy hole, I was able to witness the furious expressions on their faces as they saw Anna’s body on the floor. The last of Matthias bodyguards, a burly ox of a man, his name was Andreas I think, pitched himself towards the sisters, axe aloft in his right hand. Before he had taken but a few strides Maria and Frieda moved to intercept him in a flash. They did not bother to draw their blades this time but instead with supernatural speed and strength each grabbed the man, subdued him and carried him to the study’s balcony, all in one swift movement. Then, like children tossing pebbles into a stream, they effortlessly pitched him over the railings, his desperate screams only extinguished when he made a sickening impact with the courtyard below.”

“Now Gisela and the twins finally had Matthias to themselves. Desperately, with shaking hands he futiely tried to reload his pistol. Gisela clicked her fingers and Maria and Frieda grabbed him, each sinking taloned hands into his arms and shoulders to hold him firmly in place.

“Please, please” he whimpered, snot and tears coating his ashen face in a sheen “its not fair!”

“What is not fair, dear Matthias? enquired Gisela mockingly “Maria and Frieda killed by your hand? Dry your eyes dear man, for they are back with you, restored once more!”

“Or maybe “ she continued, circling around him “you weep because the Verberden house, my home, has been defiled by your rabble of thieves and murderers? Fear not, we have killed them, every last one of them, no harm done!”

“No, Matthias? Ah, I finally see the cause of your lamentation. You weep over the death of your young wife, my poor little sister Anna. Give thanks Matthias, for I have desire and skill to ensure that you two lovers will soon be reunited.”

“With that Frieda and Maria dragged the flailing Matthias over towards the circular oaken table that dominated the room. Gisela knocked the items that adorned it to the floor with a violent sweep of her staff. Then the twins dragged the struggling, unfortunate Matthias on to the table, holding him in place, splayed, face up. Placing her slender fingers into a pouch that hung from her belt, Gisela pulled out four lengthy thick brass nails, the like of which may have been used in ornate carpentry. On seeing them, Matthias attempted to resist and struggle free from the twins iron grip, but his efforts were in vain. Calmly Gisela placed the point of one of nails in the middle of Matthias outstretched palm and using her thumb against the nails flat head, pushed it through flesh, bone and wood with alarming ease. Then she walked around the table and repeated the ghoulish trick on his foot, crucifying him upon the table. As the third nail went in, Gisela looked up and seemed to stare straight at me in my concealed position for the briefest of moments. Had I been discovered? It appeared not for, the chilling moment passed and she continued in her grisly work. I backed away as stealthily as possible and made my escape from a far door. Then I ran down the gore splattered corridors, Matthias’ tortured screams seemingly pursuing me as I fled .”



Thanks for reading xD
 

Bartel

Skeleton
Aug 17, 2010
56
Belgium
I almost feared you would end it with "I made my escape into an adjoining chamber", and leave the rest to our imagination.
But no, behold, crucifiction.

Crucifiction!?
:grave:

By the way:
"I have desire and skill to ensure that you two lovers will soon be reunited.”

That's...
perverse.
Coming from her.

Hm, sorry for the interuption.
Please, do continue.
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Bartel said:
I almost feared you would end it with "I made my escape into an adjoining chamber", and leave the rest to our imagination.
But no, behold, crucifiction.

Crucifiction!?
:grave:

By the way:
"I have desire and skill to ensure that you two lovers will soon be reunited.”

That's...
perverse.
Coming from her.

Hm, sorry for the interuption.
Please, do continue.

Interupt away my friend, its nice to know you're there. Its not so much of a case of good girl gone bad, more good girl gone completely psychotic. Maybe too much. But its too late now. xD



Part Fifteen



“And so I ran” continued Karl “ran aimlessly and desperatley, but to where, and for what purpose? The dark, undying retainers the sisters had brought with them still barred any exit. And still Matthias tortured screams echoed around the silent house, offering me no reprieve, no peace. My lungs had reached the point of giving way and so I slowed my pace to a stop and gave myself chance to catch my breath and hopefully formulate a rational thought. As I stood there in the darkness trying desperately to limit the noise of my wheezing gasps, I felt the unmistakeable tap of a finger upon my back. I whirled on the spot, fist drawn back, ready to strike who ever had crept up behind me.”

“Fortunately I did not have to lash out, for before me stood not some foul denizen of the underworld but the tiny, trembling figure of a young girl. Much relived was I not recognise her as a stranger but one of the serving girls of the household, Greta. I unfurled my fist and exhaled and upon seeing that I meant her no harm, her expression lightened slightly for the briefest of moments. Holding her finger to her lips she beckoned with her other for me to follow her and set of down a passageway to our right. A few twists and turns later and we found ourselves in the great dining room. Imagine my surprise to discover that Greta and I were not the only living survivors. The room contained nearly thirty individuals, mainly the serving staff but also a few of the exotic dancers hired for the nights festivities. It appeared the sisters blades only hungered for the blood of Matthias and his brethren. And still his dreadful screams peeled through the house like an unremitting siren.”

“All in the room were terrified, some catatonic with fear. But upon realising I was no longer alone and others needed me, I think my old army training kicked in. The few men there I instructed to arm themselves with what was to hand, candlesticks, pokers from the hearth, chair legs even. We then secured he heavy doors to the room, sealing ourselves in and anything else, out. Collecting everyone together in the centre of the room, I gave the order for the candles and lamps to be extinguished. From my little knowledge of the undead, I knew they could not exist in the days light, if we could remain undiscovered till dawn we would be alright. And so we sat there, silent in the dark. The only other sounds apart from our breathing were the ponderous movement of the mechanism of the great clock that sat in the eastern corner of the room and Matthias' agony wracked laments. Shortly after the clock had chimed for two, his screams finally ceased.”




Bit short but I want to finish off on an even number. Thanks for reading xD
 

Boo

Vampire Lord
True Blood
Feb 13, 2008
3,195
The far north, near northrend
Ah, it can't be all can it? :D

I'm sorry that I haven't commented for some time now but now I've red up on the story.

I love it, the conclusion is very thrilling. Good work good sir! :)

Is there more?
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Glad you liked it. One more chapter to go, think I'm going to do a few pictures to go with it.
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Its written in my head but it's just getting a spare hour or so to type it up. I hope to get it done this week. Cheers! xD
 

Bartel

Skeleton
Aug 17, 2010
56
Belgium
I've just visited your "army plog" and seeing that (superbly painted) wight standard bearer with the "Verberden" banner has given a whole new dimension to this story. Is that Matthias squirming under Gisela's snake-limbs? Or is Matthias actually the wight underneath the banner? Or both? And those witch-hunter conversions, is that what's gonna become of Jacob and his friend?

Any chance for the next part?
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Its nearly done, I just want to read it through first and im suffering with the dreaded man flu. Without wanting to give too much away, Matthias isnt the wight king although Fleischers skull lives on in torment on Gisela's staff. The undead Witch hunters? Jacob and Karl will be in my next tale but who knows what the fickle hand of fate will deal them? Thankyou xD
 

Lynks

Lord of RAW
True Blood
Dec 29, 2010
2,215
Sydney
DAMN! i read this all in one evening and then get to the end without a conclusion, ill have to keep an eye on this thread. ill also have to re-write my vampires sketched out history, as there is a little bit of similarity, and it appears my writing skill has been upshown before i have even started :P
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Dark master - thanks for your kind words!

Lynks - Thank you. Lets here your vamps history then, I and I'm sure others would be interested. Also I'm glad your hungry for the conclusion because, sound the gong, dinner is served!

...or maybe not as it is not posting! :swear:
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Part Sixteen - The final chapter



“And that is when you were discovered? You being the only survivor we found and your…” Anton struggled for the words to describe Karl’s broken face “er, injuries, I take it things did not go well?”

“Anton, let him finish in his own time, will you?” murmured Jacob as he futilely jabbed at the dying embers in the hearth place with a poker. The storm outside had whipped up and the tavern felt noticeably more chill than earlier.

Karl brought his hands up and to his face and gingerly he touched the swathe of bandages that concealed the scarred holes which used to be his eyes.

“To answer your questions witch hunter, no we were not discovered, not right away. And things certainly did not go well. As I was saying…”

“I thought they would come for us straight away, but minute by agonising minute passed and still we sat silent in the darkness. The great clock chimed three and marched ever onwards and a tiny flicker of hope was given birth to in my heart. Soon the cockerel would crow and the demons that the sisters had become would be forced to melt back into the shadows. I have a feeling that they nurtured that brief moment of possible redemption just to crush it as a cruel whim.”

“Suddenly the candles and torches we had previously extinguished burst into magical life, illuminating the entire room. I cursed the others to put the lights out, thinking maybe one of them was responsible for such an act of folly. This notion was soon dismissed upon my realisation that the flames burnt with an eerie blue light and refused to be cancelled out, no matter how vigorously my desperate companions tried. Then there was knock on the door and I knew we were undone.”

“Aghast we stood motionless as the knock came again and than a third time. Our only reply was a sharp intake of breath as we saw the heavy timber we had used to bar the door was pushed aside by unseen hands. The same invisible force swept away our hastily improvised barricade and the doors swung open. Cast into silhouette by the pale azure light behind them, strode in the sisters Verberden. They came to a halt in the centre of the room, less than twenty paces from our cowering group. The twins were to Gisela’s right and to her left, to my amazement and horror, stood Anna looking considerably more alive than she had hours earlier. Somehow even more beautiful than she had been before, the only sign of her brush with mortality was the ragged, powder scorched hole in the waist of her gown. Even that was a riddle, for encircled in the blackened and blood stained material, was revealed flawless unmarked marble white flesh.”

“Your tormentors are all dead, only you, the loyal household staff of my line remain and soon my sisters and I must depart, never to return.” spoke Gisela, surveying the crowd of awe stricken faces.

The thought played in the minds of all of us present. Although we had witnessed their merciless slaughter of Matthias and his men, could these really be dark angels sent to save us from a different, greater evil? Some of the group desperately wanted to believe this was the case, even though the pile of corpses that decorated the courtyard would have suggested different. Anna held her arm out, pointing to one of our number. Little Greta, who had doted on Anna with much care and tenderness in her short life at the house, walked towards Anna’s outstretched hand, with such a look of devotion and trust on her young face. Suddenly I had feeling something was horribly wrong and looking at Anna’s cadaverous beauty I felt a sense of cold, predatory cruelty was masked beneath. I wanted to cry out a warning but my voice failed me and I could only look on in silent horror as Anna’s hand closed around Greta’s outstretched wrist. Suddenly Anna’s eyes changed, the pupils expanding like that of a hunting cat until they were as two black orbs. Greta gave a small, sharp cry as Anna’s grip tightened with terrifying strength and with violent movement, she wrenched the child’s arm away from her body. Clutching the dismembered arm in her taloned hand, Anna bit deeply into the wrist of the severed limb and then threw the screaming girl to her twin sisters. Greta’s screams were silenced in a heartbeat as Maria clamped her jaws to Greta’s throat, Frieda tearing handfuls of blood and flesh from the gaping wound where Greta’s arm should have been, before cramming it greedily into her hungry mouth.”

"Not one of you did anything to prevent the injustices inflicted upon my sisters, my brother , my father, your master, you worthless, spineless curs! snarled Gisela.

“As I missed out on a childhood here among you” railed Gisela, her voice rising in fury “I think we shall try to relive a small part on that of which I missed out upon. A game called hide and seek. You will hide and we shall seek you out and the count begins now, at one hundred. The winners prize is not to be rendered limb from limb!”

Any thought on attempting to fight them was instantly dismissed by all of our group, we dropped our makeshift weapons and fled out and around the monstrous quartet, through the open doorway, our only concern survival. Those of us that was who could run, we gave no thought to the infirm or old, we simply left them to their dreadful fate.


"Knowing those fell knights barred any possible escape from the house, I decided my best chance of salvation would to be last until sun up. Frantically I burst into the kitchen, bolting for the small pantry where you discovered me. Locking the key from the inside, I crawled into the far corner, dragging two heavy sacks of grain in front of me in a desperate effort to enhance my concealment. And so I sat there, shivering in the blackness, listening to terrible cries of the other household staff as they were hunted down one by one, appalled by what awful things I imagined befell them but also sickeningly relieved that their deaths bought me more time."

"Soon all was quiet, I could hear no more cries, no more pleas for mercy. And then, much to my dread, came the unmistakeable sound of footsteps approaching the pantry door. Peering through a gap I saw the handle turn and discovering the door to be locked, it rattled violently against the frame before ceasing. Suddenly the handle, lock and a sizeable piece of door was torn away with supernatural power and light streamed in through the thresh hold.

“Karl, dear Karl” cooed Gisela “come out from there will you? There really is no point in hiding anymore."

I knew it was all over. Somehow, maybe knowing that my death was inevitable, the fear passed away for a brief moment and I found the strength to crawl out from hiding place like a scalded animal. I looked up from on low at the four of them staring down at me and my previous feeling of relief was trampled by total, crushing, blind panic. Each one of them was drenched from head to toe in the blood and viscera of my friends and companions. I have no shame in admitting that gazing up at those visions of evil from my hands and knees, I wept. I sobbed like a child. I pleaded and scrapped and begged for my miserable, worthless life. Anything to prevent my end as food or a plaything for those devils. They simply stood there looking down at me, not moving nor speaking, like four cold, lifeless marble statues. And then Anna crouched down before me and gently cupping her cold hands either side of my face, she raised my head up so that our eyes met. Although dashed with vermillion, her face was once again fair and I could not help but think of her as the girl I once knew before tragedy had touched her.

“Karl, we are not going to kill you” she whispered, a hint of sorrow in her voice as she gently brushed the tears from face with her fingers “we were never going to kill you. You served our father well in life and more importantly, you were his friend. “Also we have a very important task for you.” And still cradling my head she planted a faint kiss on my forehead.

“However” she said her grip on my face tightening “How I wish for all of us, you included, that you had killed Matthias or even me for that matter when you discovered his evil. You left me suffering in torment Karl. And that I am afraid, can not go unpunished.”

“Pressing her thumbs against my eyes, she dug deep into the sockets, forever condemning me to darkness. I screamed until my voice was raw and I flailed like a landed fish but she held me there in her iron grip as gouged and crushed my sight. And then she whispered into my ear.”

“A few days later" sighed Karl wearily "I was discovered by yourselves, sitting in a pool of my own piss and blood. Where they have gone I have not the faintest idea, nor do I want to know.”

“Its sounds like you should give thanks to Sigmar” said Anton softly “at least you lived to tell the tale.”

At this Karl let for a bitter cry “Ha! Thanks? Blind, broken and homeless. All those I cared for dead or worse. I very much doubt that I shall see this winter out, I will starve, drink myself to death or something sinister that they have arranged will no doubt be fall me. It was no act of mercy they let me live, sirs. The sole reason I still draw breath is that they spared me to deliver a message.”

And what message would that be? Jacob asked softly, no longer able to suppress his pity for the ruin of a man.

“When she whispered in my ear" whispered Karl "she told me I must tell the first weakling lap dogs they send, no offence sirs but that will be yourselves, that the empire failed their father when they should have honoured him. Matthias was left to commit his crimes unchecked. Gisela should never have been stolen away as a tool for the colleges of magic. The realm of man is responsible for the misfortune and fall of their house. They intend to repay us a thousand times over in blood, pain and suffering.”





And that is that! Any feedback is really welcomed and thanks for reading! xD
 

Bartel

Skeleton
Aug 17, 2010
56
Belgium
Hurrah! Great!
I actually felt slightly disgusted, poor Anna.

One question: is it due to becoming undead that Gisela became so cruel (i.e. would anyone, lore-wise, even when nice, happy people in life, get the malignity once sired?), or is it something Gisela has always carried with her and just became more pronounced.

And a small remark for your last chapter, when you write
"And then she whispered into my ear.”

“A few days later I was discovered by yourselves, sitting in a pool of my own piss and blood. Where they have gone I have not the faintest idea, nor do I want to know.”
I was somewhat confused, and first thought the "A few days..." was what Gisela whispered (which didn't make much sense), until I got it was Karl speaking to Jacob. It would have read more fluently, in my opinion, with a short sentence without "" inbetween. Something like 'Karl sighed.' or so.

Now I want to know what the witch hunters are going to do...
 

Nikos

Vampire Count
True Blood
Feb 26, 2010
1,129
Plymouth
Bartel said:
Hurrah! Great!
I actually felt slightly disgusted, poor Anna.

One question: is it due to becoming undead that Gisela became so cruel (i.e. would anyone, lore-wise, even when nice, happy people in life, get the malignity once sired?), or is it something Gisela has always carried with her and just became more pronounced.

And a small remark for your last chapter, when you write
"And then she whispered into my ear.”

“A few days later I was discovered by yourselves, sitting in a pool of my own piss and blood. Where they have gone I have not the faintest idea, nor do I want to know.”
I was somewhat confused, and first thought the "A few days..." was what Gisela whispered (which didn't make much sense), until I got it was Karl speaking to Jacob. It would have read more fluently, in my opinion, with a short sentence without "" inbetween. Something like 'Karl sighed.' or so.

Now I want to know what the witch hunters are going to do...

Thankyou for the feedback. I have gone back and edited that sentance as you suggested, sorry about that! Gisela's rapid turn to evil may get explained more clearly later, I definatley have NOT ignored such a detail! :innocent: The witch hunters future is roughed out but i'm going to africa for a month so it may take a while. Thanks again. xD
 

Boo

Vampire Lord
True Blood
Feb 13, 2008
3,195
The far north, near northrend
Awesome! :D A really thrilling conclusion, with the horrid hide and seek game.

I look forward to any other parts that you might have in store for the future.

Anyway, I loved this tale, from start to finish, great work Niko! :)

Africa huh? May one ask what you are going to do there? :)
 

About us

  • Our community has been around for many years and pride ourselves on offering unbiased, critical discussion among people of all different backgrounds. We are working every day to make sure our community is one of the best.

Quick Navigation

User Menu