Most useless / stupid thing you've done at work

  • The masquerade of murder returns! A new game of Vampires Amongst Us has begun. Unmask the killers, trust no one, and try to survive the night. Find out more and sign up now!
I'm working in a company that produces prosthetic and orthopaedic components. One of those products is a Tshirt to wear underneath a brace for scoliosis treatment. Today I had to write an analysis of risks for some products, including the Tshirt. Now what the hell do you write in a case like that? "IT'S A GODDAMN TSHIRT! IF YOU GET INJURED DUE TO A TSHIRT, YOU PROBABLY HAVE SOME BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN THE INJURY ITSELF!"

So, what are your "most useless moments of your qualification"? :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: Count michael
Sitting the GRP test for boat building, the new guy was asked how many millimetres in a metre. He looked at me and said ( absolute quote) " I dunno, they're tiny , there must be f***ing thousands. What do you think, Jeff?" I had to try to explain the metric system to the moron in about 30 seconds. I failed him of course, then I got a warning ( !!!!! ) because I had upset his confidence, and he had left the company. At the time we were building anti-magnetic minesweepers! Why did they even consider the idiot for the job?!
 
@Theerteen I love these threads that you make.

If someone gets injured by a t-shirt they don't really deserve to be alive. Crocodiles wrestle zebras in rivers, spiders build webs to catch prey and a person gets taken out by a t-shirt? No... :slapface:

@hairyjeff Hilarious! That was a well used warning. Maybe after that he went home and found out how many millimetres are in a metre.

My most useless moments in my...
Printing career:
-Probably cleaning a coffee machine in my first week (I was annoyed about this but just thought of that scene in Dodgeball... "Get in there nice and deeper"). :lol:
-Stopping the machine for the weekly 45 minute 'maintenance', climbing underneath it with a torch and reading magazines there.
ESL career:
-Playing a dumb and unproductive game called 'Chase the Sellotape'.
-Sellotaping the entire contents of someone's desk to it.
-Asking a naive co-worker to help me hold one end of some Sellotape, then tape her to her chair.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Theerteen
I was in the military for five years, so basically... all of that time was pretty much useless. Even while in Iraq, most of my day was spent playing soccer or football and in Afghanistan, we migrated on to throwing knives and trying to stack rocks on top of each other to look like penises... We also placed different sodas on rocks to see if not only would they explode due to heat, but also if any drink did so faster than the others (science).

If you want ACTUAL work, I used to have to read data reports and compile them into summaries for executives to read. Over the course of a week, I received over 1000 "reports" that were never more than one sentence long and had no context or reference points (about a third were incomplete sentences)... I requested that the data collection sites give more detail and I got reamed. After the hour long lecture, my boss finally asked if I thought he was stupid or if I thought everyone else was (we had about a dozen sites). Perplexed by the whole ordeal, I asked the most obvious but disrespectful question I could think of: if he had actually read any of the "raw data" and to my surprise he said no (I wasn't surprised that he hadn't read them, but that he admitted it). So I answered "Then yes, I think everyone else is stupid." He got really mad, but when he finally looked at what I had to work with, the closest I got to an apology was "I will talk to them and try to get better data reports."
 
  • Like
Reactions: Count michael
I was wiring in a new light but the wires I thought were dead were actually live causing a bang with sparks shooting out when I cut the wires knocking me off a ladder (I was fine luckily didn't get zapped) blasted a good chunk out of my favourite side cutters as well


I also tripped over rather clumsily when I was distracted by a rather attractive nurse in the hospital ward I was meant to change the lights in

:lol: lol good times
 
I'm a business trainee in a department that struggles to provide me with stuff to do so mostly I just use Facebook/Tumblr or just draw and do origami.

Once the boss handed me a printed out spreadsheet and had me manually work out the averages. Why he didn't just email it to me so I could do a simple formula I don't know.

Still, it's a nice group of people and the training they provide is pretty great.
 
at past jobs the worthless stuff i did was fix cars that should be sent to the wholesale (auction) because they where complete pos's and should not have had that much money dumpped into them.

now its just clocking in hahahaha im kidding but some days it feels like that
 
It's not my real job but I'm a hockey referee and once had a coach call me over and talk to me about how I can't let coaches call me over and delay the game. I don't think he got the hypocrisy.

Reffing sports gives you lots of great stories.

*Edit*
I think the time that I had to explain I was not on any mind-altering substances may take the cake however
 
Last edited:

About us

  • Our community has been around for many years and pride ourselves on offering unbiased, critical discussion among people of all different backgrounds. We are working every day to make sure our community is one of the best.

Quick Navigation

User Menu