It’s that time. The time when Naren Zade shows up to his nearest game shop. But, I must confess, my fellow Vampire Count fanatics. …I cheated on you. I KNOW, I’M SORRY! I was browsing e-bay and there was this Warriors of Chaos army. It was wearing stockings, you know how I like it. So I picked it up and brought it home. It showed me the time of my life. IT TOUCHES ME IN WAYS THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE!
But, seriously, I just bought the Warriors and I played one game with them. They’re fucking amazing. They just do everything. Here I thought a Ghoul was good. NOPE. YOU CAN’T IMAGINE THE POWER OF CHAOS WARRIORS. OH GOD. I JUST MADE ROMANCE EXPLOSION IN MY PANTS. YOU’RE ALL, WS5, I5, STR 5 (Halberds), NURGLE, T4, 4+AS. So much power.
Oh yeah, some guy told me not to swear so much in my battle reports. I say fuck that shit. I live in Murica, the free-est, greatest country that God ever gave man on the face of the Earth.
Here da’ list.
Lords
Daemon Prince - Scaly Skin, Soulfeeder, Other Trickster's Shard , Charmed Shield, Dragonbane Gem, Chaos Armor, Daemon Flight, Mark of Nurgle, (Death) Wizard Level 4
Hero
Exalted Hero - Talisman of Preservation, Enchanted Shield, Burning Body, Third Eye of Tzeentch, Mark of Tzeentch, Disc of Tzeentch, BSB
Core
29 Chaos Warriors w/ Mark of Nurgle, Halberds, Full Command & Banner of Swiftness
5 Chaos Warhounds
5 Chaos Warhounds
Special
Chimera w/ Regenerating Flesh w/ Flaming Breath
Rare
4 Skullcrushers of Khorne w/ Musician w/ Lances
JK, JK. That other guy dropped and got his money back. Anyway, I played a friendly game with him. He was playing Ogres and I threw a bunch of purple suns at him. I’d go into detail, but this shit was inconsequential, so fuck it. Basically, I had the game won, but he fled with like 700 points of Man-Eaters without Swiftstride and busted out a sick ass 11. I couldn’t catch him with my Daemon Prince, Chimera or BSB on a disc. It was brutal. So we drew instead. I don’t gives a fuck.
LUNCH TIME. I ate my favorite wings and pizza. Holy shit, so godly. I may open the same store locally just so I can eat all my profits away and then blow my brains all over a wall when I lose all my money. Or just have a heart attack. Whatever.
MVP: People being late.
LVP: People being late.
Recap: Fantastic wings.
I deploy my BSB and Daemon Prince pretty far back because his Slann is all death. I put my Skullcrushers directly across from his Ancient Stegadon. I put my block of Nurgle dudes in the middle and my Chimera far to the left. I get first turn.
I push my Skull Crushers like straight forward up the right side. I fly my Chimera around his left flank. I keep my DP thirty inches away from the Slann at all times because fuck the police. I ain't trying to get what he's selling.
He moves his shit up too. He shoots some skink attacks at my Crushers, but I'm not scared. I might have taken a wound. He tries to Spirit Leech my BSB, but I'm like 3+ ward with rerolling 1s. But I don't even have to make a save because my BSB was all like you're just a big stupid frog that can't even more on his own. LITTLE BITCH.
My turn. I charge my Skullcrushers into his Ancient Stegadon. I was going to declare more charges, but my Nemesis is a REALLLLLL stickler for the rules, unless we're talking about rules that apply to him. But, I digress, so I fly my Chimera behind his units. It's awesome. I wiggle my Daemon Prince away from his Slann, but still threaten his Stegadon and Saurus.
I don't cast anything. SKULL FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
So, I'm all like... Str 6 Lances and he's all ike OMG WHO TAKEZ LANCEZ ON CRUSHERZ.
I'M ALL I DO, 6 WOUNDS PLZ.
His Stegadon dies and I overrun off the board.
He turns his Saurus to face my Skullcrushers when they come back on the board. He moves his skinks to throw some shots at my Daemon Prince. He moves his Temple Guard up some more and moves his Stegadon down the left flank.
He Spirit Leeches my Nurgle Champion. I don't give a shit.
He shoots some shots at my Daemon Prince who doesn't give a fuck.
My skullcrushers come back on the board and I face the Saurus block. I PREPARE FOR GLORY.
I fly my Chimera to the flank of his Saurus block. I march my Nurgle block to the flank of that same Saurus block. I move my BSB into charge position as well. The Daemon Prince stays home though. ...Fuck Bane Head Death. Stupid.
I think I cast something, because I know I miscast and take a wound. I think it might have been Doom and Darkness.
On his turn, he charges his Saurus into my Skullcrushers. I am slightly worried, but not really because 1+ armor save and insane damage output. He moves his skinks to take some shots at my DP. His Ancient Stegadon moves around to possibly counter charge my Nurgle Warriors after I poop on his Saurus warriors. His Temple Guard move around a little bit closer.
Magic happens and he tries to fuck up my BSB with his death magic, he fails a few spells because of 3+ ward. I don't take any wounds. But, he throws a big Soulblight and I can't dispel it even with all my dice. =/ It sucked. Now, I'm a little worried.
He pops some shots at my DP and I think he takes a wound.
Close combat, I do a decent amount of wounds and he does two, I think? Wounding my Crushers on 3+ was scary. Either way, I lose by two. I make my Leadership on the first try. EFF YEAH!
Now, I did feel bad here. After the combat while I was moving, my opponent pointed out that my Skullcrushers don't have Frenzy, when I thought they did. So I got an extra three attacks that I shouldn't have gotten. I felt bad. I just got the army like a week ago, so I haven't had a lot of time to play it. Ah well.
I charge his Saurus with my Chimera, BSB and my Nurgle Warriors. OHHHHHH YEAHHHHH. I also charge my Daemon Prince into his Skinks.
I try to cast Soulblight on his Saurus Warriors, but it doesn't go off. My magic phases aren't too awesome. Okay, that was PC. They fucking blow. Blow big fat cocks.
I absolutely dominate combat with the Saurus. My Crushers do over five wounds. My Chimera does like eight and then four or five more with his breath weapon and then like two more with his stomps. My Nurgle guys do like five wounds too. He doesn't roll double 1's and flees off the board. I restrain with my Crushers and my Nurgle dudes, but my Chimera doesn't. He follows them off the board.
He was all like, I'm gonna kill your Skullcrushers and make them flee before you can three way pound my B-Hole. I was like Mutumbo, blocking the shit out of that. He got it good.
[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_0fyUYB3cA[/video]
My Daemon Prince shit rolls the Skinks, but doesn't regain a single wound from Soulfeeder out of eight chances. NOT ACCORDING TO PLAN.
He charges his Stegadon into my warriors. He moves his Temple Guard up and now my DP is in range of his Death Magic.
He casts the Strength based Death Snipe and I'm like, sure! He rolls pretty high and ends up doing two wounds to my DP. I save one, but Banehead doubles it and my DP eats the poo poo.
I'm like... POOPY! So, then he casts the Toughness one on my BSB. I say sure and he rolls an eleven. So, he takes a buncha wounds. I'm not too worried, but I roll two two's. GOOD BYE DAEMON PRINCE AND BSB!
I'm not too worried.
He isn't in range to shoot or something. I think he marched. We go to close combat and I do a wound or two? I don't remember. Either way, I lose and I'm stubborn. I stick.
My chimera comes back on the board and my Skullcrushers charge the flank of his Stegadon.
NO MAGIC. NO SHOOTING.
I shit roll the Stegadon. Violently. My Nurgle Warriors make doo doo on his Skink Priest on top. Put it in your mouff. Shhhhh.
His turn. He charges his TG into my like ten or so Warriors. He rolls double 1s for magic and I don't think he does anything. I don't remember. EIther way, we tie the combat. I charge my Chimera and Skullcrushers into the flank of the TG. I can only get the Chimera in because his unit is widdled down. I fuck so much shit up! I win combat, but they're stubborn. My Chim and Warriors push so much poop in.
So, his last turn, I think he rolls poorly again, or he's in close combat. I can't remember. I think he tries to Spirit Leech a Skullcrusher, but I roll like a boss.
So, he shoots a buncha skink shots at my Crushers and actually does like two wounds. And my Crushers panic! LOL. I don't worry.
I roll doo doo on all his TG. I kill all of them. His Slann sticks needed a 3 for LD. Either way, I have over 1,000 points on the table left over with my Chim, Skullcrushers and Nurgle Warriors. He has just his Slann and twelve skinks!
MVP: Chimera / Skullcrushers / Nurgle Warriors. HOLY SHIT WARRIORS ARE AWESOME.
LVP: Chaff
Recap: Warriors are fucking amazing.
So, we draw. We split the prizes and it’s fucking awesome. He used his store credit to get me some Hexwraiths, since I don’t have any and my birthday is almost here. It was great. I got more Chaos Warriors, but we played a game for fun anyway.
The game set up is really basic. It's battleline. We set up from across and decide it's time for some fucking battle.
Long story short, I cast a Purple Sun turn one and I miss his big unit of TG. Turn two, it wanders DIRECTLY THROUGH HIS TG. I kill ninteen out of thirty four Temple Guard. Oh, by the way, his TG are in combat with my BSB and Chimera. I wipe the rest of the unit on turn two and pursue the Slann. Yeahhhhhh, it was very quick. He gave up at that point, because I also shit rolled his full unit of Saurus Calv with my Skullcrushers. It was bad.
Either way, I'm sorry that I cheated on you Vampire Counts, but I'm a dirty girl. I just can't help myself. But, it was so right. I love my Warriors of Chaos. I'm defintely going to keep them, which is rare for me because I'm such an army slut.
Also, sorry that my battle report wasn't more vulgar... I just wasn't as invested or pumped up, since I only had one REAL game. The others were just for play play. NEXT TIME. THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
Thanks for reading!
But, seriously, I just bought the Warriors and I played one game with them. They’re fucking amazing. They just do everything. Here I thought a Ghoul was good. NOPE. YOU CAN’T IMAGINE THE POWER OF CHAOS WARRIORS. OH GOD. I JUST MADE ROMANCE EXPLOSION IN MY PANTS. YOU’RE ALL, WS5, I5, STR 5 (Halberds), NURGLE, T4, 4+AS. So much power.
Oh yeah, some guy told me not to swear so much in my battle reports. I say fuck that shit. I live in Murica, the free-est, greatest country that God ever gave man on the face of the Earth.
Here da’ list.
Lords
Daemon Prince - Scaly Skin, Soulfeeder, Other Trickster's Shard , Charmed Shield, Dragonbane Gem, Chaos Armor, Daemon Flight, Mark of Nurgle, (Death) Wizard Level 4
Hero
Exalted Hero - Talisman of Preservation, Enchanted Shield, Burning Body, Third Eye of Tzeentch, Mark of Tzeentch, Disc of Tzeentch, BSB
Core
29 Chaos Warriors w/ Mark of Nurgle, Halberds, Full Command & Banner of Swiftness
5 Chaos Warhounds
5 Chaos Warhounds
Special
Chimera w/ Regenerating Flesh w/ Flaming Breath
Rare
4 Skullcrushers of Khorne w/ Musician w/ Lances
ROUND ONE – BYE
Yeah, you think this was gonna be easy? Well, it was. I got the bye, so I was originally waiting for my other buddy to show up and I’d just play him, but he was really late. Also, some guy got really mad and dropped the tournament because my Arch-Nemesis and he had a disagreement, so they settled it like gentlemen. They tied their wrists together and knife fought until only one remained.JK, JK. That other guy dropped and got his money back. Anyway, I played a friendly game with him. He was playing Ogres and I threw a bunch of purple suns at him. I’d go into detail, but this shit was inconsequential, so fuck it. Basically, I had the game won, but he fled with like 700 points of Man-Eaters without Swiftstride and busted out a sick ass 11. I couldn’t catch him with my Daemon Prince, Chimera or BSB on a disc. It was brutal. So we drew instead. I don’t gives a fuck.
LUNCH TIME. I ate my favorite wings and pizza. Holy shit, so godly. I may open the same store locally just so I can eat all my profits away and then blow my brains all over a wall when I lose all my money. Or just have a heart attack. Whatever.
MVP: People being late.
LVP: People being late.
Recap: Fantastic wings.
ROUND TWO – LIZARDMEN
This is my Arch-Nemesis game. Oh, I was prepared and he was not. His hands was shaking and I was Iron Man. So, it's Meeting Engagement, but with alternating deployment. He has two units of skinks, a block of like forty Saurus, twenty five-ish Temple Guard with Slann, an ancient stegadon and a skink mounted on an Engine of the Heavens. I'm not scared of those.I deploy my BSB and Daemon Prince pretty far back because his Slann is all death. I put my Skullcrushers directly across from his Ancient Stegadon. I put my block of Nurgle dudes in the middle and my Chimera far to the left. I get first turn.
I push my Skull Crushers like straight forward up the right side. I fly my Chimera around his left flank. I keep my DP thirty inches away from the Slann at all times because fuck the police. I ain't trying to get what he's selling.
He moves his shit up too. He shoots some skink attacks at my Crushers, but I'm not scared. I might have taken a wound. He tries to Spirit Leech my BSB, but I'm like 3+ ward with rerolling 1s. But I don't even have to make a save because my BSB was all like you're just a big stupid frog that can't even more on his own. LITTLE BITCH.
My turn. I charge my Skullcrushers into his Ancient Stegadon. I was going to declare more charges, but my Nemesis is a REALLLLLL stickler for the rules, unless we're talking about rules that apply to him. But, I digress, so I fly my Chimera behind his units. It's awesome. I wiggle my Daemon Prince away from his Slann, but still threaten his Stegadon and Saurus.
I don't cast anything. SKULL FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
So, I'm all like... Str 6 Lances and he's all ike OMG WHO TAKEZ LANCEZ ON CRUSHERZ.
I'M ALL I DO, 6 WOUNDS PLZ.
His Stegadon dies and I overrun off the board.
He turns his Saurus to face my Skullcrushers when they come back on the board. He moves his skinks to throw some shots at my Daemon Prince. He moves his Temple Guard up some more and moves his Stegadon down the left flank.
He Spirit Leeches my Nurgle Champion. I don't give a shit.
He shoots some shots at my Daemon Prince who doesn't give a fuck.
My skullcrushers come back on the board and I face the Saurus block. I PREPARE FOR GLORY.
I fly my Chimera to the flank of his Saurus block. I march my Nurgle block to the flank of that same Saurus block. I move my BSB into charge position as well. The Daemon Prince stays home though. ...Fuck Bane Head Death. Stupid.
I think I cast something, because I know I miscast and take a wound. I think it might have been Doom and Darkness.
On his turn, he charges his Saurus into my Skullcrushers. I am slightly worried, but not really because 1+ armor save and insane damage output. He moves his skinks to take some shots at my DP. His Ancient Stegadon moves around to possibly counter charge my Nurgle Warriors after I poop on his Saurus warriors. His Temple Guard move around a little bit closer.
Magic happens and he tries to fuck up my BSB with his death magic, he fails a few spells because of 3+ ward. I don't take any wounds. But, he throws a big Soulblight and I can't dispel it even with all my dice. =/ It sucked. Now, I'm a little worried.
He pops some shots at my DP and I think he takes a wound.
Close combat, I do a decent amount of wounds and he does two, I think? Wounding my Crushers on 3+ was scary. Either way, I lose by two. I make my Leadership on the first try. EFF YEAH!
Now, I did feel bad here. After the combat while I was moving, my opponent pointed out that my Skullcrushers don't have Frenzy, when I thought they did. So I got an extra three attacks that I shouldn't have gotten. I felt bad. I just got the army like a week ago, so I haven't had a lot of time to play it. Ah well.
I charge his Saurus with my Chimera, BSB and my Nurgle Warriors. OHHHHHH YEAHHHHH. I also charge my Daemon Prince into his Skinks.
I try to cast Soulblight on his Saurus Warriors, but it doesn't go off. My magic phases aren't too awesome. Okay, that was PC. They fucking blow. Blow big fat cocks.
I absolutely dominate combat with the Saurus. My Crushers do over five wounds. My Chimera does like eight and then four or five more with his breath weapon and then like two more with his stomps. My Nurgle guys do like five wounds too. He doesn't roll double 1's and flees off the board. I restrain with my Crushers and my Nurgle dudes, but my Chimera doesn't. He follows them off the board.
He was all like, I'm gonna kill your Skullcrushers and make them flee before you can three way pound my B-Hole. I was like Mutumbo, blocking the shit out of that. He got it good.
[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_0fyUYB3cA[/video]
My Daemon Prince shit rolls the Skinks, but doesn't regain a single wound from Soulfeeder out of eight chances. NOT ACCORDING TO PLAN.
He charges his Stegadon into my warriors. He moves his Temple Guard up and now my DP is in range of his Death Magic.
He casts the Strength based Death Snipe and I'm like, sure! He rolls pretty high and ends up doing two wounds to my DP. I save one, but Banehead doubles it and my DP eats the poo poo.
I'm like... POOPY! So, then he casts the Toughness one on my BSB. I say sure and he rolls an eleven. So, he takes a buncha wounds. I'm not too worried, but I roll two two's. GOOD BYE DAEMON PRINCE AND BSB!
I'm not too worried.
He isn't in range to shoot or something. I think he marched. We go to close combat and I do a wound or two? I don't remember. Either way, I lose and I'm stubborn. I stick.
My chimera comes back on the board and my Skullcrushers charge the flank of his Stegadon.
NO MAGIC. NO SHOOTING.
I shit roll the Stegadon. Violently. My Nurgle Warriors make doo doo on his Skink Priest on top. Put it in your mouff. Shhhhh.
His turn. He charges his TG into my like ten or so Warriors. He rolls double 1s for magic and I don't think he does anything. I don't remember. EIther way, we tie the combat. I charge my Chimera and Skullcrushers into the flank of the TG. I can only get the Chimera in because his unit is widdled down. I fuck so much shit up! I win combat, but they're stubborn. My Chim and Warriors push so much poop in.
So, his last turn, I think he rolls poorly again, or he's in close combat. I can't remember. I think he tries to Spirit Leech a Skullcrusher, but I roll like a boss.
So, he shoots a buncha skink shots at my Crushers and actually does like two wounds. And my Crushers panic! LOL. I don't worry.
I roll doo doo on all his TG. I kill all of them. His Slann sticks needed a 3 for LD. Either way, I have over 1,000 points on the table left over with my Chim, Skullcrushers and Nurgle Warriors. He has just his Slann and twelve skinks!
MVP: Chimera / Skullcrushers / Nurgle Warriors. HOLY SHIT WARRIORS ARE AWESOME.
LVP: Chaff
Recap: Warriors are fucking amazing.
ROUND THREE – LIZARDMEN
My buddy and I are set to play Round 3. We are the only 2-0 people in the tournament.So, we draw. We split the prizes and it’s fucking awesome. He used his store credit to get me some Hexwraiths, since I don’t have any and my birthday is almost here. It was great. I got more Chaos Warriors, but we played a game for fun anyway.
The game set up is really basic. It's battleline. We set up from across and decide it's time for some fucking battle.
Long story short, I cast a Purple Sun turn one and I miss his big unit of TG. Turn two, it wanders DIRECTLY THROUGH HIS TG. I kill ninteen out of thirty four Temple Guard. Oh, by the way, his TG are in combat with my BSB and Chimera. I wipe the rest of the unit on turn two and pursue the Slann. Yeahhhhhh, it was very quick. He gave up at that point, because I also shit rolled his full unit of Saurus Calv with my Skullcrushers. It was bad.
RECAP
Regardless, we split and my buddy had all the bonus points, but I didn't get any from the Bye. So, my buddy won! YAY! I came in second place. HUZZAH! The tournament was ran much better than the last one. It was over all a lot of fun. I wish I got to play more games for real, but oh well, what'cha gonna do?Either way, I'm sorry that I cheated on you Vampire Counts, but I'm a dirty girl. I just can't help myself. But, it was so right. I love my Warriors of Chaos. I'm defintely going to keep them, which is rare for me because I'm such an army slut.
Also, sorry that my battle report wasn't more vulgar... I just wasn't as invested or pumped up, since I only had one REAL game. The others were just for play play. NEXT TIME. THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
Thanks for reading!
