The Lol Thread

[Josef]

wife sent me this

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.









Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.










Dear Mom,:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.









Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.









Love,
Your Son Jon


P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.









I love you.








Call me when it's safe to come home.

 

[Vulf von Carstein]

LOL that's gold. josef, your wife sure has a good sence of humour! :lol:

 

[Josef]

I know its great =)

 

[Josef]

 

[Ghouly]

http://onlylol.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/baseball-fail-mike.jpg
ouchy

http://theletter.co.uk/images/lc/fail.jpg
:|

bigger ouchy
http://regmedia.co.uk/2008/02/20/football_fail.jpg

:| ewwww
http://www.breakitdownblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/beer-barf-fail.jpg

yay Bulldog
http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-dog-pictures-brakes-fail-bulldog.jpg

scene from the Birds
http://members.arstechnica.com/x/mux/fail5.jpg

:|:'( I think I should claw out my eyes
http://www.cotterfail.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/cotter-fail-again.jpg

haha
http://karaboo.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/cat-fail-ferrett.png

HAHAHAHA
http://ajanlo.kapu.hu/fail/fail_28.jpg

:lol:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/fail-crocodile-hunter.jpg

:|
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/fail-parking-cop-car.jpg

hehe
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/fail-owned-love-fail.jpg

Deciple will love this one
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/fail-owned-poster-placement-fail.jpg

haha
http://www.worldoffail.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/fail2.jpg

:| ouch
http://bestofepicfail.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/tp_fail.jpg


http://bestofepicfail.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wedding_fail.jpg

the ultimate fail
http://i30.tinypic.com/wqpmad.jpg

so what else is new
http://bestfail.com/images/product-promotion-fail.jpg

:| dumb bird
http://fc63.deviantart.com/fs30/f/2008/175/1/0/Flying_Fail_by_Ben_sen_sei.jpg

:| ok that prooves so much
http://canasianinvasion.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/fail_bush-fazendo-pose-burro-marcio-marciocamargoblogspotcom.jpg

:| ahhh! Zombie
http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/7726/0/Camel_Trainer_FAIL.ashx

hay he didn't move
http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/7733/0/British_Guard_FAIL.ashx

:| poor cow!
http://www.failfunnies.com/14/images/theres-fail-then-theres-ultra-fail.jpg

 

[Arion]

Some of those are just brilliant! Grate toilet paper...:lol:

 

[Vulf von Carstein]

Meteorology - Australian Style


It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.




Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.



But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.



He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'



The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'



So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.



A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'



The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'



The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.



Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.



'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'



'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.



The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'

 

[Josef]

lol, wow

this is more cool than funny but hey it works =)

http://snopes.com/rumors/winston.asp

 

[Disciple of Nagash]

That's pretty cool josef - it is good to know that once sworn enemies now support each other.

@Ghouly, a great list, some of those were hilarious though it does make you wonder how the mental state of some people in the world.

 

[warpaintjj]

Here's one I like alot,

A heavy drinker is confronted by his angry wife, "if you ever come home drunk again I will leave you".

That night he is at the pub/bar with his friends. He drinks far too much and vomits on himself.

"I can't go home like this, my wife will leave me" he whines to his friends. "Here's the plan" advises his friend, "put £20 in your pocket and tell her that someone else was sick on you and gave you the £20 to pay for dry-cleaning" Good plan he thinks, and goes home.

"You're covered in vomit, you're drunk" yells his wife, "I'm leaving you!"

"No no no" he explains, "this other guy was sick on me and gave me this £20 for the dry-cleaning, hic" he says showing her the money.

"So whats the other £20 in your hand for?"




"Ah, that's from the guy who shat in my pants."

 

[Josef]

lol

more from my wife


JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After
a while he asked: ' Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for
cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was.
Granny replied she was so
old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you
must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.
'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.
'I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.
'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer.
She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle.
Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it
was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with
wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
'Please don't
give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.
'

DJ (age 4 ) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing
in a restaurant.
Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is
he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried.
When his Mom asked what
was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed
when I get married.
How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.
His dad read: 'The man named
Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked
back and was turned to salt.
' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the
flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her Mom knew.
Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why
doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget..... this particular Sunday
sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven
and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.

..' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who
was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little
four year old girl voice, ' Mom , what is butt dust?'

 

[warpaintjj]

Kids are great, got three little girls so get this stuff all the time. Funny I come on here to get away from them and end talking about them despite my signature suggesting I hate children.

Keep 'em coming, warpaintjj

 

[TMS]

I've never heard children say any hilarious stuff like that. The only experience I have with them is being bugged into playing with them, since I'm always the youngest besides them at gatherings. All I want is some peace and quiet -.-

Really, I think I'm the only teenager in the familyline right now. The rest are either adults or small children. Blah.

 

[cripple]

Heh. When I hear stuff like that MasterSpark, I feel a little more glad that I'm an only child, and have few nearby relatives.

 

[Josef]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she
replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'


She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

 

[Josef]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_ctwYoC6Rg

 

[Ghouly]

http://darealwurld40k.deviantart.com/art/DRW40k-03-78076794

hehe Chaos Marine and Loyalist playing pictionary

 

[TMS]

Really liked the pictionary one, Goulking. Hahahah. :grin:

The first two squares get me every time, heheh.

 

[Josef]

Two Sisters

Two nuns went out of the
convent to sell cookies.

One of them is known as
Sister Mathematical (SM)
and the other one is known
as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
half-hour?

SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.
What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start
walking faster.

SM: It is not working.

SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing
to do. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.

So the man decided to go after Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not
yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both
of us, so he followed me.

SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.

SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I
could.

SM: So what happened?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as
fast as he could.

SM: And what else?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.

SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than a man with his pants down.

 

[Arkhan]

Some seriously screwed up animation.

Charile the Unicorn 1

Charile the Unicorn 2

 

[Josef]

lol, seen them i like his ferrit one the best

 

[Josef]

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: A uto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[Arion]

Oh god, hahahaha! Those are pure gold!

 

[TMS]

Hahahahah, I've gotta agree with Arion here, those are just great! :grin:

 

[Josef]

btw another find by my wife (i pre read these just to make sure they are good =P)