TVC II OOC Feedback

[Ghouly]

well what I'm doing with Graveclaw is he has been alone for ten years with Mouse being Vamped and the Carstines locking away all the ghouls, Graveclaw has been all alone except for the Damned crown hissing all that poison in his mind, and every Vampire and Necromancer he's met has tried to kill him and some have come close if you haven't noticed Graveclaws right eye is dead perminate damage to a Vampire that is serious so like an abused dog Graveclaw is in kill mode plus Lesa scared him with her little speech.

 

[Harland]

I thought I'd revive this because I would like to ask for feedback too.

TVC II is the first rp of any kind I have committed too, and not been killed off/given up after a few weeks.
My chief worry is that I am inconsistent with Roland's personality. This has always been a difficulty for me, so I thought it pertinent to ask for the opinion of an outside party. Criticism on all the other points is welcome also!

 

[Count michael]

I think Roland is quite a good character, to me at least his personality suits him. If anything I am a but worried about Wolfy ok at the moment since he is drugged up generally doing stupid stuff is fine it's just how to keep him going later on, sure I don't mind him doing the odd dumb and reckless thing but I don't want him to be just an idiot 24/7 maybe more headstrong and stubborn any ideas. I was thinking of tying in the corrupted by chaos more into his personality though might have to wait for DON to pm me back with approval for an idea that might hopefully work.

 

[Dark_Wolfen]

I have a bit of the same problems Harland.
Also, I don't seem to have some kind of goal yet for Nimrais, so ca't really work toward that.

I'm also not entirely sure how to incorporate her mental buddy.

 

[Ghouly]

@Harland- Roland is an okay character, but you need to cut back on the modern terminology, and your god-moding a little with the fight scenes, your merely human.

@Count Michael- your making wolfy act a little too stupid- like unbelievably so I mean really asking someone if you can eat them...really another-thing you should make his bestial impulses a little more subtle, basically your profile said his lycanthropy is supposed to be a secret but you have him on the roof with a bullhorn screaming "Me Am WEREWOLF" also I would take away his ability to talk whilst in wolf form its weird

@Dark_Wolfen what about your little love triangle you got going with Kavok and Bounce, that's a nice little arc you guys could play with for awhile, and for her imaginary friend comic relief

 

[Harland]

I already discussed Roland's ability with the powers that be, and they allowed it provided that I admit that he is utterly exceptional, and that was never in any doubt. Also, I don't think that's what god-modding means (making decisions for another character in your post without asking for them first).
Do I really use modern terminology? I thought Roland's speech was slightly victorian, but maybe I am making slips.

Mikey, I love the whole "can I eat you" thing purely because it's really funny. Maybe it's because he doesn't really understand that it is, ahem, outside of social norms.

And Darky (can I call you Darky?), I really like the character of Nimrais. Seemingly alone of all the vampires she is very kind-hearted and cordial, something I think you have been quite true to.

 

[Get of W'soran]

I'm alright with Nekhlior but even though I think Dieter is consistent and all I worry he's too boring for other players.

As for Roland I think he is great, I enjoy interacting with him and reading his interactions with others.

I also like Nimaris alot as well as her crazy shade friend.

As for Mikhail, he's a very cool character, I just think that it needs to be kept in mind that if he goes too overboard he will get killed by someone :tongue:

 

[Ghouly]

well Nekhlior has an imaginary friend too so

 

[Count michael]

Thanks everyone, that's something to keep in mind, I shall tone down wolfy a bit

 

[Harland]

But not while he's drugged: the dialogue at the moment is hilarious.

 

[Count michael]

Don't worry the drugged up part gives me perfect excuse to be a complete nutter, how long will it last so I can plan for when he is sober?

 

[Harland]

There was a lot of very powerful sedative on that knife, so you could make it last days if you wanted to!

 

[The Dread King]

Recently, I feel Morty's character has been in a bit of a state of flux. I know he had RP problems before this, too, and, from what I've seen of this thread so far, the feedback is very high quality. I also would like some guidance on RPing Defiance. So, feedback, please. And no, I do not want a bad radio...

Edit: two months and still no feedback?

 

[The Dread King]

Here's some feedback for count Vashra's new character, Niklaus:

Vashra, you may want to increase your character's age as a vampire, because (a)he's quite powerful for a relatively - he's got some very high stats compared to some of the older vampires, not that this is a bad thing, but just that some players may find it more reasonable if he's a bit older, (b) he managed to kill his own sire (whilst this is possible, it takes careful planning and willpower built up over some time - note that it's not unreasonable, though, in my opinion, as he could have built up resistance against vampires in his mortal life), (c) he's built up a spy network. Spy networks take a bit of time to build, and whilst Morty (my character) managed to construct a fortress in a decade, he had thousands of undead servants to do the work for him, and no witch hunters nearby to attack him (he built it in the Badlands) whereas your character would not only need to avoid witch hunters, get used to vampirism and the thirst for blood, and individually meet people who could join his spy network and negotiate with them (or send sentient mortal servants reliable enough to do the work for him), he would also have to be avoiding the vampires who might notice his notice his network and try to sabotage it/kill him.

I'm not saying your bio isn't likely, it's just that there are some parts (I've specified some, other users have specified others) that you should justify/go into more detail on. Like the spy network:

- How does it work?
- Where is it based?
- Etc.

You might want to go into even more detail on it in the Organisation thread. Also, an example of a justification:

- Niklaus had always despised vampires because of the looming shadow of his sister's death by one: she was found with two bite marks in her neck, drained of blood. Not knowing the woman was one, he succumbed to the rogue Lahmian's manipulation (she had abandoned the Sisterhood to pursue her own interests, and so was pursued by Neferata's servants: she wanted a potent shadowmancer like Niklaus on her side to hide her from the killers that would inevitably come for her). To his horror, Niklaus soon realised that he had become a vampire, yet not all hope was lost. He resolved to kill the Lahmian, despite the apparent sway she held over him, and so deceived her by pretending to be little more than a mindless pawn, whilst in reality he built up mental resistance towards his sire's power over him. One night (and then you can talk about him killing her, etc.)

Of course, your explanation doesn't have to be anywhere near this long, Vashra, nor does it have to be anything like this: I just wanted to show you how going in-depth can really help players understand your character,

 

[TMS]

Hello all,

This thread appears pretty out-of-date but I think it's still a valid topic. I'd be interested in hearing feedback on how I've handled personal interactions between Helena and other characters. I'll be honest and say that her personality have taken on some facets that I didn't specify during creation. Her apparent distrust of anything outside of the von Carstein family being one of them. It wasn't something I had in mind when I wrote her up but it sort of evolved on its own once the interacting began. I suppose plenty of things can be justified under the umbrella term "arrogant von Carstein" but I hope stuff hasn't come off as something baseless.

Another thing is my balance walk between Helena's dignified personality and her childishly immature side. I've tried to keep it clear when she's being triggered by others, and I also think you've all noticed I've been saving all contractions (can't, won't, don't, and so on) for when she gets upset, and keeping her regular speaking more formal. What I'm really trying to avoid is having her come across as bipolar or similar.

If you have any tips and suggestions I welcome them happily.

 

[Get of W'soran]

Helena comes off to me as an Immortal with the usual von Carstein pride, arrogance and sense of entitlement mixed with the immaturity (and perhaps shortsightedness!) of a Child :tongue:

I've quite enjoyed reading about Helena, sometimes I get a bit of a chuckle from the thought of her trying to act more grown up only to get all childish when people bug her :tongue:

 

[Count Vashra]

I can do no more than agree. I like her adult/child flips.

 

[TMS]

Thanks for the positive comments guys, although I'm sorry it took me so long to reply.

I'm glad you like Helena, I also think she's fun to play as. I am trying to strike a balance for her between being disruptive and just a downright troll. While a big part of the character is her temperament and outbursts I want there to be more going on inside her head instead of just the very first thing that pops into mind.

 

[Count Vashra]

Well, I would certainly imagine her to be fun.

 

[The Dread King]

@MasterSpark, I know this is a bit late, but here are my thoughts on Helena. In my opinion, she's a very three-dimensional character, i.e. there are clearly several layers of personality, or at least that is what I interpret from reading your IC posts. First, there is the thin sheet of dignity which she puts up, in order to do her duty and impress, as well as distract herself from her own worry, and keep herself cheery (as a vampiric child, she is able to delude herself quite well). Then, the childish distress and frustration that comes as a result of her continual lack of understanding of the vampiric way of life and, I suspect, some amount of general upset at her condition as a vampire and her seemingly fixed/slowly moving place in vampire society (i.e. the contempt with which some view her due to being an eternal child), the lack of good parental guidance, and the brutality which (most) children aren't mature enough to ever really accept.

There's a third layer of Helena (from my perspective at least - although you may have written her with different intentions). That is the mistrust and insecurity which creates the other two layers, and it is why I think she's a rather tragic figure, because she's defined purely by her own fear and sense of loss.

She's so grim, and yet at other times, she's pretty optimistic, and that's why she's a wonderful character. It doesn't suggest she's bipolar or extremely moody for someone of her age group: just a very complex personality that accurately reflects the (un)life experiences of an aristocratic child who happens to be a killer.

What have you decided about her brain development, given that we (in RL) don't know exactly how the brain develops? Has she got the raw intelligence (but not the judgement) of an adult? Could there be some way (e.g. a plot twist) for her to 'unlock' a more mature mindset? It's a really interesting character you've got here; I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop Helena over the course of this RP.

-----------------------

What do you think of Morty? Am I RPing him properly? What are his flaws (I'm not talking in terms of morality; those are obvious. :tongue). What I mean by this is: has there been anything that's stretched credibility/made him a bit of two-bit villain or one-dimensional, and, if so, how could I fix it? I just want to make sure my character is as enjoyable for other RPers as possible, and also avoid godmodding and the like.

 

[Count Vashra]

I like how, despite his obvious arrogance and dismissal of the Council's abilities, Morturion seems to be one of the few able to keep a clear head and make rational decisions. Also he seems quite good at making intelligent conclusions and suggestions, although that may at least partly come from the role he's expected to play as a GM character. I also like how he's brave enough to do what he did earlier in the story.

I think he's fine.

 

[TMS]

@The Dread King, I think you're playing Morturion just like he's described in the bio. He appears to fill the necessary role of a co-ordinator in the RP. A "GM character", like it was put above.

If anything I'd say that he feels a bit difficult to approach, especially for a character like Helena. Whatever she can throw at him in a discussion he'll be able to reply tenfold with his great knowledge. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though, since all characters aren't supposed to 'click'. So far I don't think you've breached Morturion's character integrity, but I'm looking forward to see how he can be interacted with outside of meeting-based chapters.

And also, thanks a lot for your detailed input on Helena! You've put the character in different words from what I've considered myself, but I agree with you. I like to imagine her to be technically as intelligent as any adult would be (anything is possible in undeath, after all) but hampered by her cognitively unfinished mind. If Helena does have a fully-fledged brain she's obviously having great difficulties with channeling it out to her actions and depending on how self-aware she is she could either be fully aware of it (and have likely repressed it over the centuries) or she could be blissfully ignorant. Either way its definitely a possible point to work with over the course of the RP.

 

[Count Vashra]

@Bounce I like how you mention in your in-character posts sometimes when Elanor is in...biting range of someone's neck, the temptation to drink the blood. Good bit of context.