Worry not, gentle friends! In the early hours of Monday last, persons unknown spirited me off to that most accursed land of Normandy, keeping me imprisoned in the blackest pit, where no wi-fi could be found. However, using my strength and wit(and, though I do say it myself, judicious use of my roguish good looks) I managed to escape their clutches and am even now speeding away on a boat bound for the sceptres isles of Britain. I thank God for my salvation.
Alternatively, I could say I've just come back from a holiday, but I think my version's more interesting.