The return of the corrupted wish!

[Count Vashra]

The previous thread has been dead for 5 months now, and I will not cast threadomancy (invocation of Nethread!)but will create a new one.
For those unaware of this game, one person makes a wish (e.g.) I wish my windscreen wipers worked) and the next person will corrupt it by granting it in a cynical/humorous/worst case scenario way (e.g. Granted!The left one works 6. a.m. to 3.p.m. weekdays, the right one works 12.p.m. to 1.a.m. weekends) and then makes a wish of their own, which will be corrupted.

I will start: I wish this thread would never die!

Corrupt that, and then make a wish!

 

[Sanai]

Granted, but it goes horribly off topic and mutates into a trollfest flamewar.

I wish I had a job.

 

[Skilgannan]

Granted You now clean toilets with a toothbrush from your teeth and get paid £1 a month.

I wish my wife would let me have a hobby room

 

[Theerteen]

Granted, she rents a room for you and took all your stuff there, but in the moment you enter the room, you recognize all your miniatures are sprayed pink-green camouflage with glitter on it.

I wish I have an endless amount of money.

 

[Shareya]

Granted! You are crushed by the mountains and mountains of worth of cash.

I wish I could never be cold!

 

[Count Vashra]

Granted! You cannot be cold because you are sitting inside a red giant star-which will kill you before it burns out.

I wish I had people to do everything I wanted for me!

 

[Christophe von Carstein]

Granted but they do everything for you but absolutely terribly, driving you so totally insane that you run away looking for Superman's fortress of solitude and are never seen again

I wish I had my dream job

 

[Powl]

Granted! You'll be working 24-7 and never ever have a single minute off, not even to go to the toilet.

I wish a was a little bit taller.

 

[spineyrequiem]

Granted! You are now ten foot tall and due to the square/cube law your skeletomuscular structure cannot support you and you are plagued with joint pain for the rest of your much-shortened life.

I'll admit that I'm not very good at working out what exactly constitutes a 'little bit'

I wish my muscles were more impressive...

 

[Harland]

Granted. Your collection of shellfish is now world famous.


I wish I were more motivated.

 

[Adam_Barrow]

Granted. A peerless huntsman and marksman has been conscripted to "persuade" you to get to work.

I wish my dog wasn't such a dolt.

 

[spineyrequiem]

Granted! He develops a level of intellect on a par with an unusually intelligent human and uses it to file a lawsuit against you for 'treating him like a dog'

I wish that girl I asked out would reply to my message...

 

[Theerteen]

Granted. She replies with "stop stalking me, or I'll send my MMA-Champion-Brother to your home!"

I wish I can get my bachelor thesis successfully done in the next 6 weeks.

Granted! He develops a level of intellect on a par with an unusually intelligent human and uses it to file a lawsuit against you for 'treating him like a dog'

...strange, this is what I've written in the same time, but you clicked "post reply" a second earlier ;D
"Granted, your dog gains superior supernatural powers and is heading for world domination. While he is able to read minds effortlessly, he remembers you thinking of him as a dolt, and treats you like his personal slave for the rest of your life."

 

[Count Vashra]

Granted! However, your thesis is about a completely irrelevant subject, and you finish in two hours starting from midnight the night before it is due.

I wish there was more Bloodline variety in Warhammer: Vampire Counts.

 

[Sanai]

Granted, they add the bloodline of the sparkling vampire and the bloodline of the blood sucking ponies.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

 

[Theerteen]

Granted, everyone here at cn got an pm how sick, insane, disgusting and filthy your wish became. But you don't get one.


I wish I'd fully understand all whfb rules and tactics without ever looking for them.

 

[Count Vashra]

Granted! But you don't know what the models/equipment look like, so it takes forever to build and army, and no one else understands the rules, although they delight in tormenting you over your lack of knowledge of what the models/equipment look like (they know what they look like).

I wish there was no plot armour/timeline freezing in Warhammer (both games).

 

[Aren]

Granted! The timeline skips forwards and backwards, creating convoluted paradoxes like elves with lasers and skeletons riding dinosaurs. Also, everybody else seems to perfectly understand this crazy timeline apart from you, even though you get every Black Library book and Army Book (£100 each of course).


I wish that Twilight, the book about "vampires" and not the time of day, including all its sequels, characters, fan-art etc. never existed.

 

[Count Vashra]

Granted! twilight does not exist. however, this is because Vampires were never thought of in the first place.

I wish for a successful career as an author.

 

[Powl]

Granted! You'll be spending all day every day in book stores signing sold copies of your book. Everybody in the queue is dressed up as a character from your book, and all of them really want to convince you that they alone have fully understood the deeper meaning of your stories.

I wish I could travel back in time.

 

[Harland]

Granted, but you can't travel forwards, and so can never get back.


I wish this wish was incorruptible.

 

[Count Vashra]

Not again!

It has been said enough times so I will just say: Granted in a paradox that destroys the universe.

Now, I wish for people to make sensible wishes, and not wishes like the one Harland just made.

 

[Ordo Cruentus]

I wish that I didn't live in abject poverty, despite pulling 80+ hour weeks.

 

[Count Vashra]

Granted! You are rich, but have e2 hours a week to spend your money with.

(seriously, I hope that wish comes true)

I wish to be the best model painter in the world!

 

[Aren]

How to grant Harland's wish: nothing happens. Sure nothing bad happened but you didn't really wish for anything so nothing can happen. Way to waste a wish

----------------------------------------------------------------


Granted! You cannot ever fail at painting which takes the fun out of it and you end up not painting anything and moving on to a different hobby.

I wish magic was real and alongside normal schools/colleges/universities there would be academies of magic, teaching how to be badass.